There’s an old quote that’s quite profound: “Wherever you go, there you are.”

The essence of the quote is you can’t escape your problems if your problems are internal. Happiness does come from within (although it can be squashed by external factors), so if you’re unhappy and you’ve always been unhappy, chances are, you’ll keep being unhappy no matter where you go.

This plays out all the time in people going from relationship to relationship. “She doesn’t make me happy.”

No shit, Sherlock. If you thought another person would, could, or should make you happy, you’re a deluded dipstick. If you aren’t already a basically happy person (and by basically happy, I do not mean “drunk”) when you enter into a relationship, you are dooming the relationship to failure.

Unhappy people enter relationships with each other all the time because the initial surge of hormones makes them think they’re finally happy. But in reality, two unhappy people have just combined their unhappiness into one big stew. Once the hormones wear off, they not only have to deal with their own unhappiness, but they have to be subjected to the other person’s unhappiness, too.

Maslow argued that self-actualization is the pinnacle we all aspire to. There’s probably some truth to that. But you can’t discount things like spirituality, good health, etc. Like happiness, self-worth has to come from inside. Deriving your happiness and/or self-worth from other people’s opinions or actions is certain to make you feel both unhappy and worthless.

What’s the point of all of this?

Well, if you’re unhappy, don’t stick your head in the sand. The bad news is it’s all in your head. The good news is also it’s all in your head. Figure out why and change it. Make a decision to be a better person, then do the things that are necessary to get there. And most importantly, drop the silly notion that anyone else can “make” you anything… (except maybe a sandwich).

  3 comments for “Happiness

  1. Dallas
    October 12, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Kinda like if you can’t love yourself, you really can’t love anyone else. You have to be number one in your life before you bring other people into it.

  2. Livieloo
    October 13, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    My favorite line was, “And by basically happy, I do not mean drunk”.

    I agree. Someone special can add to your life but they certainly can’t complete it.

  3. Christen Blando
    October 13, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Well said, Incredipete. Happiness really is a state of mind. You can’t find it in anything external. The happiest people are spiritually, physically, and mentally in tune with life (both their own and the people around them). Temporary loss of any one of these things can lead to a sense of depression, but ultimately, our state of mind and commitment to reclaiming personal happiness as a personal right can lead us back to that original state or contentment and happiness. We are so amazed when we see people who go through incredibly difficult circumstances and come out the other side smiling, hopeful, and 9dare I say) happy! But, that’s just the proof of what you’re saying here: happiness really is a state of mind and everyone can (and should) have it. May you be blessed with true happiness my friend! keep on rockin’ the blogs. I love reading them. Christen

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