There’s an old quote that’s quite profound: “Wherever you go, there you are.”
The essence of the quote is you can’t escape your problems if your problems are internal. Happiness does come from within (although it can be squashed by external factors), so if you’re unhappy and you’ve always been unhappy, chances are, you’ll keep being unhappy no matter where you go.
This plays out all the time in people going from relationship to relationship. “She doesn’t make me happy.”
No shit, Sherlock. If you thought another person would, could, or should make you happy, you’re a deluded dipstick. If you aren’t already a basically happy person (and by basically happy, I do not mean “drunk”) when you enter into a relationship, you are dooming the relationship to failure.
Unhappy people enter relationships with each other all the time because the initial surge of hormones makes them think they’re finally happy. But in reality, two unhappy people have just combined their unhappiness into one big stew. Once the hormones wear off, they not only have to deal with their own unhappiness, but they have to be subjected to the other person’s unhappiness, too.
Maslow argued that self-actualization is the pinnacle we all aspire to. There’s probably some truth to that. But you can’t discount things like spirituality, good health, etc. Like happiness, self-worth has to come from inside. Deriving your happiness and/or self-worth from other people’s opinions or actions is certain to make you feel both unhappy and worthless.
What’s the point of all of this?
Well, if you’re unhappy, don’t stick your head in the sand. The bad news is it’s all in your head. The good news is also it’s all in your head. Figure out why and change it. Make a decision to be a better person, then do the things that are necessary to get there. And most importantly, drop the silly notion that anyone else can “make” you anything… (except maybe a sandwich).