Haiku for You

i love my bald head
smooth as a baby’s buttocks
with gross razor knicks

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having two big dogs
the destruction all around
my house is ruined

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gas pump pumping gas
sending my money to the
Saudi terrorists

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wisper my sweet love
so long the wait for travel
bummer this sucks a$$

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dumb construction crews
big machines destroy my street
everything broke

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spring is here to stay
the beauty makes me always
sneeze my fool head off

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spare bedroom so white
dogfood strewn around the bed
on the floor like rocks

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nectar of the gods
mountain dew tastes yummy and
always wicked good

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talentless winner
hot young idol lacking talent
go figure dangit

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infection so red
oozing from my bulging arm
like water that’s green

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my shoes are icky
the tread is caked completely
with my doggy’s poop

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Thanks for enduring my first attempts. Edited to conform to Jenna’s silly “so-called” rules.

Incredipete

  46 comments for “Haiku for You

  1. May 26, 2005 at 9:55 am

    Awwww. My little novice… “Haiku – A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.” I love MY haiku!!!

  2. May 26, 2005 at 10:00 am

    However, if you look at the award winning Haiku collections on http://www.hsa-haiku.org/ you will see that very few of them actually follow the five/seven/five rule. Interesting, is it not?

  3. May 26, 2005 at 10:07 am

    LOL. It’s okay with me if you make up the rules.

  4. May 26, 2005 at 10:10 am

    “Honorable Mention:
    Carolyn Hall

    spring rain the cat’s pink nipples”
    (from the site)
    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    It’s AWFUL!!!

  5. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 10:34 am

    Bald head and big boobs
    Too far apart from each other
    Thank God for Jet Blue

  6. May 26, 2005 at 10:40 am

    Wow! Isn’t Rik quite the poet too?!

  7. May 26, 2005 at 10:45 am

    reeds sway in the breeze
    bitch- where my money at, you
    no good skanky ho?

  8. May 26, 2005 at 10:49 am

    RACHEL! Let’s go to dinner. I want wine and meat. YES.

  9. May 26, 2005 at 10:53 am

    LOL Those are awesome Rik and Rachel!

    Haiku is stupid
    Unless you make up rules
    And then it’s cool stuff

  10. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 11:32 am

    Rachel, that is the best Haiku ever!

  11. May 26, 2005 at 11:34 am

    Jenna! I want to, but I cannot! I am having my meat deli ery at 4, remember?

  12. May 26, 2005 at 11:35 am

    …where did my “v” just go?

  13. May 26, 2005 at 11:36 am

    oh and Rik: yours is FAR more clever than MINE. You went for topical, rather than idiotic. Mad props.

  14. May 26, 2005 at 12:00 pm

    Huh??
    OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!

  15. May 26, 2005 at 12:14 pm

    Did you shave your legs???

  16. May 26, 2005 at 12:29 pm

    I shaved EVERYTHING!
    I am like one of those naked mole rats.
    Well, you know. Except for the whole mole rat thing.
    Better yet, you should prolly just forget the whole analogy.;)

  17. May 26, 2005 at 12:37 pm

    Rachel, you ARE a naked mole rat!

  18. May 26, 2005 at 12:44 pm

    “Small and pink, but you love us regardless.”

  19. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 12:49 pm

    I will never look at a mole rat the same way again. Thanks guys.

  20. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    “Naked mole-rats use a separate central toilet area. Since they pass through this common toilet area, walking on urine and feces, everyone has a common smell. They do this to recognize members of their own colony. If an outsider enters the colony, they fight fiercely.” Could you imagine a Naked Mole-Rat Jello fight???

  21. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:05 pm

    Mmmmm. Jello!

    Also, Rachel? I HIGHLY reccommend waxing. Yes it hurts, but only for a bit and then it’s smooth, uh, sailing for a few weeks.

  22. May 26, 2005 at 2:10 pm

    Wen; you are right.

    I know you’re right.

    …It’s just that I am a complete sissy.

  23. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:12 pm

    Also Incredipetey… I think it’s time you call Jenna your internet girlfriend as well as your real girlfriend. I think this is fair for everyone involved, including my boyfriend (who thinks my having an internet boyfriend is a little weird…)

    I’ve been super busy and haven’t had the time to congratulate the two of you. But I am happy that you two have found each other!

    Now, will one of you please get on a plane so you can get naked together?

  24. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:13 pm

    Rachel it’s totally worth it! If you liveed in LA I’d go with you for moral support…

  25. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:14 pm

    “liveed” Sheesh. Now I’m typing in an outrageous french accent!

  26. May 26, 2005 at 2:41 pm

    Hi Wen! Long time no see! I don’t think Jenna minds you being my internet girlfriend, but we wouldn’t want to offend your boyfriend. I’ll have to think of a new and entertaining description on your link…

  27. May 26, 2005 at 4:12 pm

    I’d go into why I won’t have my “bikini region” waxed but I’d have to get really graphic and I wouldn’t want Incredipete’s Mum to think I’m not a sweet, nice little English girl and all.

  28. May 26, 2005 at 4:18 pm

    wax or shave, cannot decide
    I want my pussy smooth and silky
    for to touch and lick

    Incredipete’s mom hates me. 😉

  29. May 26, 2005 at 4:19 pm

    wax or shave I cannot decide
    I want my cootchie silky and smooth
    for to touch and lick

    Incredipete’s mom hates me. 😉

  30. May 26, 2005 at 4:21 pm

    Hi warcry! Nice one! (Incredipete’s mom scowls 🙁 )

  31. May 26, 2005 at 4:34 pm

    *waves to Incredipete’s mom*

  32. May 26, 2005 at 5:48 pm

    HAIkuuuuuuuuu!!! …….
    pardon me…….
    gooey gunk all in your tea……

  33. May 26, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    I hate dental floss
    Mangles my gums to chop meat
    Fuck you, ADA

  34. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 7:12 pm

    How could I break your heart? It is already so full already. Let’s just say that our relationship evolved…

  35. May 26, 2005 at 7:39 pm

    Don’t couples usually say “We decided to start seeing other people…” lol

  36. May 27, 2005 at 9:10 am

    Fuck you people need a hobby. Lets go back to making fun of foreigners.

  37. Rik
    May 27, 2005 at 10:32 am

    Yeah, you know who has the worst accent of all the foreigners????? The Vietnamese. They have made butchering English into an artform. I wonder what language Americans sound the stupidest in? Probably English, huh?

  38. May 27, 2005 at 10:33 am

    Tossing Old Porn Out
    Giggling Like a Schoolgirl
    Incredipete Gets A Real Girl

  39. Rik
    May 27, 2005 at 10:59 am

    LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO *picks his ass up and walks away laughing*

  40. May 27, 2005 at 11:24 am

    LOL!!!! Andy, I don’t think he owns porn… but that little black book of his is getting blow-torched!! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

  41. May 27, 2005 at 11:28 am

    I don’t own porn or a black book. I’m the ultimate loser.

  42. May 27, 2005 at 11:29 am

    Those poor, poor dogs.

  43. May 27, 2005 at 11:34 am

    You sicko. Besides, my dogs are gender-neutral anyway.

  44. May 27, 2005 at 11:54 am

    NO ONE SHOULD THROW OUT PORN!! Just send it to me. I love the porn!

  45. May 27, 2005 at 3:32 pm

    LOL!
    I like the use of the word “the”… Like “I love THE chocolate.”

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