Haiku for You

i love my bald head
smooth as a baby’s buttocks
with gross razor knicks


having two big dogs
the destruction all around
my house is ruined


gas pump pumping gas
sending my money to the
Saudi terrorists


wisper my sweet love
so long the wait for travel
bummer this sucks a$$


dumb construction crews
big machines destroy my street
everything broke


spring is here to stay
the beauty makes me always
sneeze my fool head off


spare bedroom so white
dogfood strewn around the bed
on the floor like rocks


nectar of the gods
mountain dew tastes yummy and
always wicked good


talentless winner
hot young idol lacking talent
go figure dangit


infection so red
oozing from my bulging arm
like water that’s green


my shoes are icky
the tread is caked completely
with my doggy’s poop


Thanks for enduring my first attempts. Edited to conform to Jenna’s silly “so-called” rules.


  46 comments for “Haiku for You

  1. May 26, 2005 at 9:55 am

    Awwww. My little novice… “Haiku – A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons.” I love MY haiku!!!

  2. May 26, 2005 at 10:00 am

    However, if you look at the award winning Haiku collections on http://www.hsa-haiku.org/ you will see that very few of them actually follow the five/seven/five rule. Interesting, is it not?

  3. May 26, 2005 at 10:07 am

    LOL. It’s okay with me if you make up the rules.

  4. May 26, 2005 at 10:10 am

    “Honorable Mention:
    Carolyn Hall

    spring rain the cat’s pink nipples”
    (from the site)
    It’s AWFUL!!!

  5. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 10:34 am

    Bald head and big boobs
    Too far apart from each other
    Thank God for Jet Blue

  6. May 26, 2005 at 10:40 am

    Wow! Isn’t Rik quite the poet too?!

  7. May 26, 2005 at 10:45 am

    reeds sway in the breeze
    bitch- where my money at, you
    no good skanky ho?

  8. May 26, 2005 at 10:49 am

    RACHEL! Let’s go to dinner. I want wine and meat. YES.

  9. May 26, 2005 at 10:53 am

    LOL Those are awesome Rik and Rachel!

    Haiku is stupid
    Unless you make up rules
    And then it’s cool stuff

  10. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 11:32 am

    Rachel, that is the best Haiku ever!

  11. May 26, 2005 at 11:34 am

    Jenna! I want to, but I cannot! I am having my meat deli ery at 4, remember?

  12. May 26, 2005 at 11:35 am

    …where did my “v” just go?

  13. May 26, 2005 at 11:36 am

    oh and Rik: yours is FAR more clever than MINE. You went for topical, rather than idiotic. Mad props.

  14. May 26, 2005 at 12:00 pm

    OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!

  15. May 26, 2005 at 12:14 pm

    Did you shave your legs???

  16. May 26, 2005 at 12:29 pm

    I shaved EVERYTHING!
    I am like one of those naked mole rats.
    Well, you know. Except for the whole mole rat thing.
    Better yet, you should prolly just forget the whole analogy.;)

  17. May 26, 2005 at 12:37 pm

    Rachel, you ARE a naked mole rat!

  18. May 26, 2005 at 12:44 pm

    “Small and pink, but you love us regardless.”

  19. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 12:49 pm

    I will never look at a mole rat the same way again. Thanks guys.

  20. Rik
    May 26, 2005 at 1:06 pm

    “Naked mole-rats use a separate central toilet area. Since they pass through this common toilet area, walking on urine and feces, everyone has a common smell. They do this to recognize members of their own colony. If an outsider enters the colony, they fight fiercely.” Could you imagine a Naked Mole-Rat Jello fight???

  21. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:05 pm

    Mmmmm. Jello!

    Also, Rachel? I HIGHLY reccommend waxing. Yes it hurts, but only for a bit and then it’s smooth, uh, sailing for a few weeks.

  22. May 26, 2005 at 2:10 pm

    Wen; you are right.

    I know you’re right.

    …It’s just that I am a complete sissy.

  23. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:12 pm

    Also Incredipetey… I think it’s time you call Jenna your internet girlfriend as well as your real girlfriend. I think this is fair for everyone involved, including my boyfriend (who thinks my having an internet boyfriend is a little weird…)

    I’ve been super busy and haven’t had the time to congratulate the two of you. But I am happy that you two have found each other!

    Now, will one of you please get on a plane so you can get naked together?

  24. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:13 pm

    Rachel it’s totally worth it! If you liveed in LA I’d go with you for moral support…

  25. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 2:14 pm

    “liveed” Sheesh. Now I’m typing in an outrageous french accent!

  26. May 26, 2005 at 2:41 pm

    Hi Wen! Long time no see! I don’t think Jenna minds you being my internet girlfriend, but we wouldn’t want to offend your boyfriend. I’ll have to think of a new and entertaining description on your link…

  27. May 26, 2005 at 4:12 pm

    I’d go into why I won’t have my “bikini region” waxed but I’d have to get really graphic and I wouldn’t want Incredipete’s Mum to think I’m not a sweet, nice little English girl and all.

  28. May 26, 2005 at 4:18 pm

    wax or shave, cannot decide
    I want my pussy smooth and silky
    for to touch and lick

    Incredipete’s mom hates me. 😉

  29. May 26, 2005 at 4:19 pm

    wax or shave I cannot decide
    I want my cootchie silky and smooth
    for to touch and lick

    Incredipete’s mom hates me. 😉

  30. May 26, 2005 at 4:21 pm

    Hi warcry! Nice one! (Incredipete’s mom scowls 🙁 )

  31. May 26, 2005 at 4:34 pm

    *waves to Incredipete’s mom*

  32. May 26, 2005 at 5:48 pm

    HAIkuuuuuuuuu!!! …….
    pardon me…….
    gooey gunk all in your tea……

  33. May 26, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    I hate dental floss
    Mangles my gums to chop meat
    Fuck you, ADA

  34. Wen
    May 26, 2005 at 7:12 pm

    How could I break your heart? It is already so full already. Let’s just say that our relationship evolved…

  35. May 26, 2005 at 7:39 pm

    Don’t couples usually say “We decided to start seeing other people…” lol

  36. May 27, 2005 at 9:10 am

    Fuck you people need a hobby. Lets go back to making fun of foreigners.

  37. Rik
    May 27, 2005 at 10:32 am

    Yeah, you know who has the worst accent of all the foreigners????? The Vietnamese. They have made butchering English into an artform. I wonder what language Americans sound the stupidest in? Probably English, huh?

  38. May 27, 2005 at 10:33 am

    Tossing Old Porn Out
    Giggling Like a Schoolgirl
    Incredipete Gets A Real Girl

  39. Rik
    May 27, 2005 at 10:59 am

    LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO *picks his ass up and walks away laughing*

  40. May 27, 2005 at 11:24 am

    LOL!!!! Andy, I don’t think he owns porn… but that little black book of his is getting blow-torched!! Mwahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!

  41. May 27, 2005 at 11:28 am

    I don’t own porn or a black book. I’m the ultimate loser.

  42. May 27, 2005 at 11:29 am

    Those poor, poor dogs.

  43. May 27, 2005 at 11:34 am

    You sicko. Besides, my dogs are gender-neutral anyway.

  44. May 27, 2005 at 11:54 am

    NO ONE SHOULD THROW OUT PORN!! Just send it to me. I love the porn!

  45. May 27, 2005 at 3:32 pm

    I like the use of the word “the”… Like “I love THE chocolate.”

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