It’s always surprising the things God uses to accomplish things in his own way.
Infertility and all of the medical crap that goes along with it… it’s been an amazing bonding experience for Nicole and I. We met and married quickly, both certain we made a good decision. And today, I’ve never been more certain it was a good decision. Great in fact. But this has been a crash course for us in so many ways. We’ve become more attuned to each other’s emotional well-being, more in sync physically, and grown spiritually as well.
The thing about this process is, you basically have to let go of every last tiny shred of insecurity, closed-ness (is that a word?), and embarrassment. There are no secrets once you start this. You have to be completely vulnerable with each other, and trust that your partner is going to stick with you no matter what.
I know there are people reading this that can relate, male and female.
When I was first diagnosed, I read a lot about how infertility is a relationship-killer. And it makes sense. It takes an emotional toll and it never lets up. It forces what should be fun marital activities to be rigidly scheduled. And it can make one or both partner feel like they are inadequate – and in some cases the non-factor partner can end up resenting the infertile partner.
To be honest, that was my biggest fear going in. I knew that both of us wanted to have kids. I knew it was something Nicole has dreamed of for her entire life, and even more after she had Amber. So to be the cause of that not happening was a sickening feeling.
I was severely underestimating my wife. She could not have been more supportive, loving, strong, and brave. We both know medical interventions might not ever work for us.
It’s a strange thing when you find yourself happy for your friend who’s having a kid, and at the same time feel jealous. Jealousy is such a crappy emotion, yet so natural. It’s a self-destructive mental path when you are jealous and resentful of all of the deadbeat and abusive folks that can father kids randomly. As if that has any bearing on yourself. Those folks will have to answer for their own lives, and those kids were put here by God, so I have to believe there’s a bigger plan for them, too.
Working through the mental and emotional exercises have been taxing, but worth it. I’m madly in love with my wife, and I know that whatever our future holds, we will go through it hand-in-hand.