Another thing that’s been constant since we met is a handful of people being spiteful. Not people who matter in my life, but people I am forced to be around. At first, I heard the “you can’t possible know” and “it’s just physical, you’ll get over it” and “you’re going to scar Nicole’s daughter by moving so fast.” All of those were fabulously helpful, especially coming from people who royally hosed up their OWN lives by procreating with abusive idiots, or by being generally irresponsible jacklegs.
I never really appreciated the unsolicited nay saying. People liked to defend the naysayers claiming they simply cared about what was best for me. I should take their advice even though they hadn’t earned that right.
Now the nay saying (from the same people) has transferred over to IVF. “That’s a really big decision, you sure you should do that with someone you barely know?” “You must really have faith in each other’s parenting abilities.” (passive-aggressive much???). And the ever popular “I can’t believe you’re having Nicole take so many risks.”
That’s what we call knowing someone’s sore spot and pouring acid on it. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I feel awful that I’m (medically) the reason Nicole has to take these risks. It was not a decision that either of us made lightly. But we’re also going into this with a top program, fantastic doctors, daily monitoring, and my wife in fact IS a nurse herself. We’re fully aware of the risks. We are aware of the odds of complications, conception, carrying a baby to live birth. We know.
The fact is, it’s nobody’s decision but ours. It’s nobody’s place to judge, question, or crap on our decision. And if anyone was to offer concerns, I certainly wouldn’t pick someone who dislikes me and Nicole.
The medications and doctors and injections, and hormones, and thyroid meds, and supplements, and antibiotics, and uterine glue – all of those things play a role in the process. But they are not responsible for creating a new baby. All the doctors can do is manipulate the timing of all of God’s processes.
What I think is this. If God’s plan is for us to have babies that are biologically ours, then this will work. If not, it won’t. Maybe it works on the second or third try. We simply don’t know. But don’t think for a second we went into this blindly. Everything we’ve done since we met has been fast. That doesn’t mean any of it was the wrong decision.