Evil, Slick, or Dumb?

Hello, my friends (and enemies – I know you read here, too).

What have I been up to, you ask? Well, I’ve been in Philadelphia. We went out for our annual holiday trip. We got to spend time with Rachel and her new hubby, and we spent a lot of time with Jenna’s family. I was remarkably calm and collected, which is great because it’s the calmest I’ve been on a trip in about 5 years. I didn’t freak out about flying, I didn’t freak out about anything, really. The only moment I was a bit perplexed was the flight home, in which I got my seat assignment bumped by a woman traveling with a toddler. I then was reassigned 8 times over the course of the next 10 minutes. By the time Jenna and I were seated together, I was ready to shoot the flight attendant.

But on to more important issues – the presidential race, or what I like to call the “Marathon of Mediocrity 08”.

You know your sitting president sucks when the presidential race begins the same day as the president is sworn in. This 500 debate debacle has gone from incredibly dull to quite fascinating over the past couple of weeks, however.

First, Obama slaughtered Hillary in Iowa. Who saw that coming? Hillary spent about a jillion dollars in Iowa, but all those Bible-Belters just saw the Evil incarnate that is Hillary. Even Edwards, a low-down-sheep-herding-psychopath, came in ahead of Hillary. And it looks like Obama’s going to win New Hampshire as well. And I couldn’t be happier. I’d always rather have a dumb person in the whitehouse than an evil person. That’s why I voted for Bush.

Then there’s the Republicans. Mitt Romney spent 9 million in Iowa, only to be beaten by Huckabee who only spent 500k. The fact is, Romney has changed his positions more times than Ted Kennedy has driven drunk. People can get behind all sorts of ideologies – Hillary is a socialist, baby-killing, elitist, and even she has a following. But it’s really hard to get behind someone who’s slick. Romney is willing to say whatever he needs to say to get elected, and that’s why he won’t be.

Guiliani didn’t even bother to show up in Iowa, and I have a feeling that’s going to end up haunting him – along with the fact that he’s a hybrid of ideologies that may in fact turn everyone off on both sides. Republicans are unlikely to back a social liberal, and Democrats are unlikely to back a fiscal conservative. He’ll either win the general election by 90%, or he’ll lose the primary soundly. It could go either way. As a hardline conservative, I have to say Huckabee’s probably going to get my vote.

I’d love to see Obama (Dumb) running against Huckabee (Cool) in the general. Hillary (Evil) and Romney (Slick) are self-destructing… and the country is going to reap the benefits.