Everyone Gets Something Out of It

I considered posting about the nut in Colorado that killed all those people last night, but that would inevitably spiral into a gun control debate. You already know where I stand on that issue (guns kill people in the same way a spoon makes you fat), so I’ll just let it go this time. Instead, let’s talk about boobies. I’m kidding, but I probably got your attention. In every relationship, each person plays a role.

Relationships stay together as long as both parties are content to play their role. If one party changes, chances are it won’t work anymore. Some relationships that means that one person gives and the other takes. The giver never says they don’t want to give without reciprocation, and the taker never feels the need to reciprocate. Eventually the giver feels like a victim and the taker loses respect for the giver. But a lot of the time, they just keep right on trucking, because both of them are used to it. Nothing will ever change. And if the giver really was getting NOTHING out of the relationship, they’d leave. So we have to assume that they get something out of it (even if it’s simply the ability to play the victim).

In other relationships, one person is dominate and the other is submissive. Usually the man is the type A pushy guy who expects his wife to tow the line. Have dinner on the table when I get home or I’ll be pissed. You handle all that “kid” stuff because I work hard and it’s not my problem. Satisfy me in the bedroom whether you feel like it or not, and if you happen to enjoy it too that’s not really my problem. Even in a case like this, the submissive partner is getting something out of it, or she’d leave. Maybe it’s security. Maybe she sees potential or thinks she sees the “good in him” that no one else sees. I’m not saying I could ever tell you what it is she gets, but she gets something.

Some men let their wives push them around. Their wives don’t respect them, because not many women out there want a husband who’s a big fat pansy or a doormat. The man gets something out of it or he wouldn’t stay. Often what he gets is the ability to never have to think or make any decisions, because she’s more than happy to do all the thinking for both of them. I honestly believed that relationship problems could be totally one-sided. Then I modified my belief to maybe the “victim” has a LITTLE bit of responsibility.

Now, I believe that it’s usually close to 50-50 (obvious exception being a man who physically beats his wife). People don’t hang around for emotional abuse unless the relationship is providing something they think they need. I don’t know what it is. Maybe you do. Discuss.