Endangered Canadian Poo

So, at the office, when you step outside, there’s an abundance of goose poo.

Not ordinary goose poo, mind you. It’s Endangered Canada Goose Poo. (The goose is endangered, not the poo.)

Goose poo is green. Very disturbing. And of course, since the geese are endangered, you can’t stomp on them. Apparently the lake here at the office is a refuge. Apparently wherever these geese land and nest becomes a refuge. That’s screwed up.

And of course, it got me thinking about our “neighbors” to the North. Canada. (motto: We’re north of North Dakota, and we like it that way.) There really isn’t anything good about Canada. It’s cold, stuffy, and has a bizarre fascination with the British monarchy.

Let’s think about the many things that Canada provides to the U.S.

1. Maple sap.

2. Endangered Goose Poo

3. Illegal immigrants

4. Bad press

5. Cold winter air

6. Low pressure systems

7. Quarters that get jammed in our pop machines.

8. Guys named Roger

9. Shania Twain

10. Pot

As you can see, most of the things Canada imports to the U.S. are bad things. You could argue Shania either way… She’s hot, but her music sucks. (Ok, her new music sucks… I kinda liked her old stuff)

Every bookstore in Canada features plenty of material talking about the evil U.S. Their news stands have article after article about what bullies we are.

U.S. news stands don’t have any articles about Canada at all. Our bookstores wouldn’t waste shelf space for books about Canada. We have more important things to do than worry about what a bunch of frost-bitten, snooty guys named Roger think.

So Canada, may you always be North of us, always be cold, and may all of our liberal nutjobs that continually threaten to move there shut up and do it.

Thanks.

  43 comments for “Endangered Canadian Poo

  1. Poe
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Poe I don’t now much about Canada but they got good wood ( 1/3 of all US lumber comes from Canada) i won’t say I have a mind for worthless info but I can remember anything if I can reference it to something dirty.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Mental… if we’re talking about Poo, then Poo is the noun, and Goose – Geese, whatever the heck you want to call them, would be the adjective describing poo. Poo is both singular and plural. We could argue about this for weeks…

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental Can i just point out that I’m an English major. Fucking-A.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental You are totally wrong. If it’s more than one goose, it’s GEESE. Jesus. It’s GEESE POO. It ain’t the poo that’s plural.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha I think I should quit while I’m a-head … bwahahaha! yes, I just DID.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete We all have to be good at something…

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha I’m a goddess on my knees … does that count for anything?

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: syn_ack89 And I’m the god of small appliances.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I like to consider myself a grammar god.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: wombat Oh, even sober my grammar sucks. I guess if I cared I’d try to do better, but I don’t.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha *swoon*

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Those aren’t participles…

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha I’m seeing way too many dangling participles on here today.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I think a more important questions is: should it be “There is a F@#load” or “There are a f@#load”? My instinct says it should be “are.” Then again, I’m not as hungover today as my pal Wombat is…

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete The question is, are we talking about many poos, or many gooses? If it’s multiple gooses, it’s goose poo. If we’re talking about multiple poos, it’s geese poo. Just ask Mr. Grammar person.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I think it’s GEESE poo. Just sayin’.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wombat The Geese are now ‘threatened’ and no longer endangered. I whole heartedly agree with BigpimpinMBA. There is a veritable fuckload of these things in NJ. I cannot stand these nasty animals, yet they will not let me shoot them. Fortunately, I can still run them over in my car.

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Andy is definitely “Father Goose” today.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy Due to the unusual shape of their larynx, the Canada Goose, if it could talk, would be unable to pronounce the word “lasagna”

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Wow Andy, you need to be placed on a pedestal for the day… that was guud.

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha I’m not on dial-up! I need high speed, baby! Hard and Fast! I’ll put you back on my Future To Do List if you’ll send me naked photos. Of yourself, that is.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Well slap me and call me Suzy. I have to give you that one. However, in the interest of journalistic integrity (making sure I don’t follow it) I’m going to leave my entry incorrect.

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Holy crap, Andy, is your brain a trap for useless information or what??? 😉

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy Another interesting fact is that there is no such thing as “Canadian Geese”. The North American Goose is actualy called a Canada Goose, named after the orthnologist: William Canada. Thus making the plural Canada Geese, not Candaian. >

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete LMAO. Nice one, Andy. However, I watched Mythbusters bust the myth about the non-echoing duck. Nice try.

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy Oh, and another thing, Canada should be thanking thier god damn lucky stars for having us as neighbors. If it wasn’t for us, they’d be over run with Mexicans.

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: odaresilv I’ve never liked geese either, but that comes from working at the beach(Jocomo Lake) during one summer and having to clean up the crap everyday before we could let people in to swim. Yuck! But I will have to say I loved Victoria, BC. It was very pretty and everyone was very nice. Can’t say anything else about the rest of Canada.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy You know, if there’s one thing I know more about than Polar Bears, it’s Geese.

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Shucks… I love you, too…

  30. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ricky I’ve disliked canada ever since 93 when they spent 8 hours going through my truck because i made the mistake of telling the border gaurd that I had a carton of cigarettes. And in the meantime I had to sit in a border control building with a giant picture of Queen Elizabeth staring back at me. I’ll never forgive them for that…… I say we invade them next, send all Canadians to England and turn the whole country into a giant hunting preserve.

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: tracy It’s stuff like this that makes me love you even more

  32. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Babe.. I think you mean pronunseeashin… ‘n that’s aboot all I got eh?

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Somehow I don’t really dislike Mexico, although it bothers me that the illegal Mexicans take all of our good jobs, like picking fruit and cleaning hotel rooms. What I hate about illegal Canadians is that you can’t pick them out of a crowd. Except for their shifty eyes and their weird pronounciation of “aboot”, they look just like us.

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Quite honestly.. I didn’t have a reason to ‘hate’ Canada in the first place… no one hates Mexico, and they’re beneath us… and dirty… with bad water that makes people go crazy, puke & die… Did your Canadian internet girlfriend break it off daddy?? What’s really goin’ on??

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria One more reason to hate Canada: AVRIL LAVIGNE.

  36. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Yes, they’re effing endangered. Otherwise I’d be whipping out the Beretta…

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Dhanzha, my site is optimized for broadband internet connections. It sucks wind on dial up. (If by “optimized” I mean “really inefficient code because I suck”)

  38. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: BigPimpinMBA Are you sure those F-ing geese are endangered? If it is possible, I think there are as many of those bastards as there are people in New Jersey. They’re like an epidemic here. I hate those awful fowl. I hate them so much that my wife doesn’t even mention the word Goose in front of me unless she is talking about Top Gun.

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Nightmare fucking floppy headed bastards.

  40. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Dhanzha S. Kurves You forgot to include Cole in your list of awful things about Canada. (Hehe) …. and how come it takes so long for your page to load? (deliberately avoiding obvious jokes about you being slow to get it up)

  41. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete God no!!! Anything but an angry Canadian!!! They might… tell me to apologize!!!

  42. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: xquzme Hear hear! About the whiners moving there. Please. Here, let me help you pack. I’m also with ya on Shania, although she shore is purdy.

  43. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Whoa boy, you’re gonna get the hate mail now. At least you’ll know it’s not coming from a nutjob in Kansas…

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