So, at the office, when you step outside, there’s an abundance of goose poo.
Not ordinary goose poo, mind you. It’s Endangered Canada Goose Poo. (The goose is endangered, not the poo.)
Goose poo is green. Very disturbing. And of course, since the geese are endangered, you can’t stomp on them. Apparently the lake here at the office is a refuge. Apparently wherever these geese land and nest becomes a refuge. That’s screwed up.
And of course, it got me thinking about our “neighbors” to the North. Canada. (motto: We’re north of North Dakota, and we like it that way.) There really isn’t anything good about Canada. It’s cold, stuffy, and has a bizarre fascination with the British monarchy.
Let’s think about the many things that Canada provides to the U.S.
1. Maple sap.
2. Endangered Goose Poo
3. Illegal immigrants
4. Bad press
5. Cold winter air
6. Low pressure systems
7. Quarters that get jammed in our pop machines.
8. Guys named Roger
9. Shania Twain
As you can see, most of the things Canada imports to the U.S. are bad things. You could argue Shania either way… She’s hot, but her music sucks. (Ok, her new music sucks… I kinda liked her old stuff)
Every bookstore in Canada features plenty of material talking about the evil U.S. Their news stands have article after article about what bullies we are.
U.S. news stands don’t have any articles about Canada at all. Our bookstores wouldn’t waste shelf space for books about Canada. We have more important things to do than worry about what a bunch of frost-bitten, snooty guys named Roger think.
So Canada, may you always be North of us, always be cold, and may all of our liberal nutjobs that continually threaten to move there shut up and do it.