Dung Sculptors

I’ve often thought that people who become lifelong politicians must have taken a career aptitude test at some point. In light of their complete lack of useful skills, I imagine their possible career paths included dung sculpture, politics, and circus performer.

Last week, flying in the face of their constituents, the dung sculptors in congress passed a “bailout bill.” Not the original bill that was frightening and socialistic – a revised bill that was frightening, socialistic, and included 100 billion in pork projects including (I’m not making this up) a huge amount of money to NASCAR track owners, funding for a company that manufactures wooden arrows…. the list goes on.

Alec “I want Republicans dead” Baldwin went on Bill “I’ve become a caricature of a liberal nutjob” Maher’s show and pointed out that only a person with the intellect of a toenail clipping would think this bill was a good idea, and that both parties are to blame for the mess in the first place.

When you have hard line communists like Baldwin slamming the Democrats in congress, you know we’ve entered uncharted territory.

The fact is, most of us will be fine. If you still have a lot of years in the workforce ahead of you and you’re not a chucklehead, you’ll probably keep your job and the stock market will work its way back up. It’s the people who were about to retire whose investments have gone down 25% in the last six months that I worry about. That’s the difference between enjoying a retirement filled with fun and vacations and living in a studio apartment and driving a Hyundai.

The government, of course, will bail out old people on the working middle classes’ nickel, so not to worry, old people. You can keep on selling out your kids and grandkids so you can travel to Europe during your retirement.

Greatest generation, my @#$@.

  4 comments for “Dung Sculptors

  1. Dallas
    October 6, 2008 at 1:44 pm

    I love how you put that. I’m worried about people close to retirement too. My mom’s mutual funds have gone up and down so much in the last year, she’s really starting to worry about how late in life she is going to have work. And it concerns me for my upcoming student loans. Will I be able to get them? Am I going to have to wait to go back to school since the market sucks and I can’t afford to pay for it myself without the use of loans? How is it going to effect people that are just about to graduate with their loans? Just a few extra questions to think about.

  2. October 6, 2008 at 1:56 pm

    Seriously… who is giving Bill Maher jobs??

  3. Meg
    October 8, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    The whole thing scares me to death. I know that we’ve been smart with our money, and we haven’t fallen into any of the traps that a lot of kids my age have, but I worry about MY kids. At this rate, will they be able to go to college? Will my oldest get to continue at the prep school she’s at now? Will my youngest have to drive my car 15 years from now because the market is still so bad that we can’t get a loan for a car for him?
    I’m going to buy an island, start my own country, and deal in bananas.

  4. October 10, 2008 at 8:42 am

    You never update anymore.

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