Don’t Eat the Sprint Burger

What the heck is with drive thru restaurants? Why is it that I can’t ever understand what they’re talking about? For instance. Today I went to McDonalds and ordered a number 4 large with a Coke.

Simple enough, right? She says “A THPOE LWEF AFRE TWE THUI FEWARW PHTIOPP?” I have never attended drive through as a second language courses, so naturally I asked her to repeat what she had said, but this time in English. She said “A THPOE LWEF AFRE TWE THUI FEWARW PHTIOPP?” Of course, the ever popular theory that if you speak louder someone will be able to understand you was disproved once again, and I said “HUH?”

So then, clear as a bell, she says “$5.69 at the first window.” Ok. I don’t really get it, but I’m glad we’re not communicating in Klingon anymore.

It really doesn’t make sense. They have a closed communication system. They have to transmit a signal 3 feet from their beltpack, and then a hardwired speaker and mic are connected to it. Simple enough. But it never works. I can get on a 747 going 600 miles per hour, and call Peru, and the signal is crystal clear. Granted, it will be $9,000 per minute, but at least I’ll be able to hear. I can call from anywhere on my Verizon digital phone (except of course within a 3 mile radius of the “Sprint World Headquarters – Resistance is Futile You Will Be Assimilated” which is about 10 miles from my house. There’s a giant dead spot around the complex. Frankly, the complex is so big, it actually creates tides in all of the area lakes. Planes fly over Sprint and are never heard from again. I don’t want to go too far out on a limb, but I’ve noticed that there aren’t ANY animals living in the vicinity of the complex. They must know something…

And think about this: Drive thru’s were invented so that people could avoid stopping to eat. The government thinks that using a cell phone in the car causes accidents? How about shoving a Big Mac in your mouth while driving? McDonalds is part of a vast conspiracy to kill off the human race. I’m fairly certain that Sprint is behind it.

  12 comments for “Don’t Eat the Sprint Burger

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy So, Incredipete. Correct me if I am wrong (imagine that). But I kinda get the feeling that you are not, well, a very big fan of the Sprint.

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister You know i’m never an absolute pain. admit it. remember, Christmas is coming up.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: GoingLoopy Yeah, but Incredipete, you gotta remember: (1) you’re dealing with high school students, ex-cons, and crack addicts, so if they can figure out there IS a drive-thru, you’re doing well, and (2) they have not updated their speaker since it was installed. Any system degrades with time…

  4. YMM
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: YMM No signal for Verizon’s in front of Sprint is not so bad. There’s no Sprint signal there either! I think it may be a black hole.

  5. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT So, um if I said I love you, would that make me gay? Not that I’m saying it, or even thinking it mind you, just asking what would happen if I did say it, you know hypothetically and all.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy I worked at Burger King in High School. We’d pruposley screw with the drive thru folks late at night.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Maybe you could become an absolute pain… you’ve already got a lot of experience at that…

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister every sunday, on my way to church, i pass that lovely sprint world heaquarters. perhaps the largest complex i’ve ever seen. too bad they’re going to go bankrupt soon (if all goes as planned), and I’ll be able to buy their headquarters for an uber-cheap price. Then, I can set up my rebel government. once i’ve done that, i can become an absolute monarch.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl That’s right Incredipete and it’s all Bush’s fault! It’s a vast right wing conspiracy because as we all know only democrats eat at McDogballs!! 😉

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: JuddHole I don’t hit the drive-thru a lot anymore, but to this day, the smoothest, absolute closest they’ve ever come to correct was:

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy I like the logo. But I think we need some pictures of sexy girls. and music. I think the patriots thing needs music. And maybe a statement on just how bad the cheifs suck, and maybe a short list on thier many faults. It should be animated too. Did I mention pictures of sexy girls?

  12. Kat
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kat I am first? Fuck I am good.

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