Doctor Dimwit, I Presume?

Today I realized that the entire medical community is made up of imbeciles and frauds. What I wouldn’t give to find one frickin doctor that had one single molecule of knowledge. I am better off self-diagnosing, because even with their uber-schooling, they are still morons. Seriously, I have been to some crappy doctors in my life, and they have diagnosed me with little more than five seconds with the stethascope. You can’t possibly know that I have mesothelioma (I don’t, BTW) from listening to me breath. Could you please get a clue?

Abby had a tapeworm, and it was obvious. There were nasty 1 inch long tapeworm segments EVERYWHERE. She left a trail of them wherever she went. I collected a “fecal sample” for the vet… INCLUDING ACTUAL LIVE TAPEWORMS.

I dropped it off about 12:30, and they told me they’d call with results at 1:00. Well, they didn’t, so I called them. They hadn’t finished yet. So I kept calling, and they kept telling me they’d have the results in 15 minutes. Finally I gave up and took Abby to the vet’s office at 5:00. They said… “What can we do for you?”

Keep in mind that I had just dropped the sample off over my lunch break, and they were the same girls that took my information. In addition, they had spoken with me on the phone 30 times. Am I that forgettable? I must be. So they went back and told the doctor I was there. She was like… “Oh, we were just getting ready to run her sample. If you want to wait, that’s fine.” At this point, I’ve waited for 5 hours, 15 minutes at a time, so I wasn’t leaving without a pill for my puppy. After a while, she came back, and said (I kid you not) “The test came back negative.”

Came back negative? For what!? Did you test her for tapeworms, or did you test for monkeypox? I know she doesn’t have monkeypox. She has a frickin tapeworm. I can see it. You could see it too if you looked into the sample container. It’s crawling around in there looking for a new host. If you want, we can go outside and Abby will gladly produce a new sample for you. Tards.

At this point, I’m extremely perturbed, and I just said “SHE’S NOT NEGATIVE, THE FRICKING TAPEWORMS ARE CRAWLING AROUND IN THE SAMPLE CONTAINER I BROUGHT YOU!!!” She looked at me like I was insane. I said “GO GET THE SAMPLE!” She went and got it, and when she came back in, she said “Hey! There are tapeworms in there…”

OMG.

So then she went and got a pill, and we went on our way. It took her 5 and a half hours to MISdiagnose the dog, and I had already diagnosed her properly. Keep in mind, she is a DOCTOR of VETERINARY MEDICINE. I, on the other hand, have never owned a puppy before, and don’t know SQUAT about them. Why can I type “Dog Worms” into Google, and come up with a better diagnosis than someone with what I’m sure is a hefty medical resume’?

It doesn’t seem right.

That’s enough of a rant for now.

  32 comments for “Doctor Dimwit, I Presume?

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Humility X (formerly known by the ‘slave’ name HRT) Shit!

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I knew I shouldn’t let her see me scootching my butt around the house. Kids are so impressionable…

  3. Wen
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wen Jessica, your response to the doctor should have been “If I’m the whore then how come I’m writing YOU a check?” I love my doctor, not only because he is hot and smart, but because we crank call our mutual friends when I’m there. Oh, and he kept me from dying last summer.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I’m pretty sure that when a doctor calls you a whore, that’s not a good sign. Unless of course you really ARE a whore, in which case, I don’t really see what the problem is.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: ticia does abby do the butt scootchy thing? i just loved that one, especially when the nasty wigglies appeared in my rug. grrr. fortunately for me tho, i have a friend who is a vet so she didn’t need to see any poopie samples. i still agree with you that most doctors are quacks tho. i am not sure where all that money for their education goes because they certainly don’t seem to have learned much from it. but those are stories for other days as this is about abby. good luck.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: jessica I think it’s time for a new vet. Just like when my doctor called me a whore, it was time for a new doctor. Only different. Did the vet call either of you a whore? That’s the sure sign.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Sugar Hey Abby. Play on the being sick thing as long as possible. Make sad eyes whenever possible and whine as loud as you can. Your Daddy will feel bad and you will get mad treats and lovin’.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy What the hell is this all about. You people should be working not effing off on D-land all day. This was my day off dammit and all I did was run around all day. Oh the unfairness of it all…..

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You people need to stop being posers and go read Jackie’s new poetry. I’m sick and tired of checking her site and only seeing 3 frickin comments. I’m so disappointed in all of you.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: patti you have a lot of anger. i enjoy that.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Whatever do you mean?! (gasp)

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Incredipete you are a dirty boy.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea You’re silly Incredipete, and it’s not nice to point.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I don’t want to make TOO much ado about this, but today is entry 69 for the Incredipetester… Just thought I’d point that out.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea My head hurts. It’s puring rain right now. I want chocolate covered pretzels. POO is funnee.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete On a completely unrelated, yet funny topic… today on my way to work, I saw a lisence plate from douglas county (abbreviated DG) that said POO 666. The DG goes in the top left corner, so it actually read DG POO 666. I laughed all the way to work.

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: thea Umm, where to start? How about Wendy sucks because I now have to work 6 days a week to fullfill my horse fetish fees and would probably rather be at the dentist. Am I insane? Yeeha, … most likely, but it has to be done. As for your tapeworm thing doll, I think I’m gonna draw you up your very own “Doctorate Of Veternary Medicine”. Just wait, it’ll be super-groovy with smiley faces & balloons & stuff…

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete If the doctor tells you that you have kennel cough, you might want to get a second opinion. Especially if he diagnoses it by hitting your knees with a little hammer.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Meanwhile, guess who is off work today? That would be moi. Okay everyone hate together.

  20. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete But poop and worms are such a big part of my life now… I need to share.

  21. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Please stop talking about poop and worms it is really really gross. It is fun to talk about sex and gymnastics though.

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mentalimages yeah…i meant that last one. Fame is a plus for the sex… that’s definitely where i was trying to go with this…

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Flexibility inherent in gymnastics could play a positive role in sex… maybe that’s what you meant. Or maybe you meant that if a billion people knew your name from watching the Olympics, your odds of getting some would increase.

  24. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I just realized that last comment made no sense. I mean…did i mean that it would be great to feel a gymnast? Or did i mean that it would be great if i were a gymnast? And what would sex have to do with it??? I’m not awake yet….more coffee please.

  25. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I wish i knew how a gymnast felt. Sex would be great.

  26. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Now you must know how those Russian and Korean gymnasts must’ve felt. You think you’re going to win gold and you don’t even end up with a medal. That sucks for you.

  27. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental SHIT! I’m not even fourth. I’m fifth and sixth now. My entire day is ruined.

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mentalimages Do you people just sit and wait for an entry so you can be first? Is this how your time at work is spent?? Shame on you. Damn…I really wish i had been first. I hate being fourth.

  29. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT What do they call a med student who finishes LAST in her class?

  30. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT This entry can’t be but 8 minutes old and you’re already deflowering it… not that Incredipete minds being deflowered by you I’m sure…

  31. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Well damn Ms. Right!!!!

  32. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right FIRST!

Comments are closed.