Dating Is For Masochists

So, another day has come and gone, and I realized once again that I hate everyone in the world, with the exception of the people that have a password to my site.

I spent some quality time over the weekend with a girl. Yes, an actual girl. Granted, it was the one that dumped me because she doesn’t like nice guys.

I don’t know why I spent time with her, because there’s obviously something seriously wrong with her brain. But I did, and we had fun. We’ve always gotten along great, even when she was in the process of dumping me.

But, not to let me down in the strangeness department, she informed me after 3 separate “dates” (I put that in quotes because it’s one of those times I really can’t be sure that it’s a “date”… we might just be hanging out… who knows) that “Oh, by the way… did I mention that I’m moving to Washington DC in December?”

WTF? No, I think you forgot to mention that the past 2 days. And how long have you known this, anyway? Last time I talked to you, we were going to get our MBA’s together at UMKC. Did you forget about that little plan? Remember how you borrowed my GMAT study book so you could be prepared? Uhhhh….

I guess I am getting what I deserve. I should have steered clear of any woman that claims to “not like nice guys.” But I just thought it was extra honest, since in my experience, most women don’t like nice guys. We’re not “dangerous” enough, and there’s nothing sexier than a guy with a good right cross. (I’ve heard)

But all in all, it was bizarre. And that’s how our relationship has always been. Like I said, I shouldn’t be surprised to get weirdness from her. But on some level, I will miss her.

And so my plan to remain a bachelor seems to be working out great, despite various and sundry attempts at relationships. I always end up getting told I’m “the best guy friend she’s ever had!” Great. And then my ex’s spend a big portion of their time trying to set me up with random skanks. “Incredipete, she’s perfect for you… she has big boobs.” They always fail to mention that she also has the IQ of a Dixie cup, and the morals of a hooker. And she’s always a liberal, dangit!

And it just goes to prove that the women I date have NO idea what I’m looking for in a woman. That’s a bit twisted, but I’m used to it.

To be honest, I don’t know what I’m looking for in a woman either, but I imagine it probably will involve a decent IQ (150-180 range…lol), strong opinions on things that matter, and traditional values. And yeah, cute is nice, too. But cute and dumb only works for me for about 6-12 months, and then I can’t take it anymore. By then, I feel obligated to try and make it work, but my displeasure is always so apparent, she ends up dumping me. I guess it probably makes it easier to sleep at night when they dump me.

There are upsides to being single.

1. All disposable income can be spent on yourself.
2. No one nags you to do anything, ever.
3. No anniversaries to remember.
4. No one to complain if you stay out all night.
5. Date anyone you want to.
6. Set your own schedule and laugh at your married friends who have to ask permission to go out.
7. Pee on the seat without fear of retribution.
8. McDonalds every night.
9. Never have to be in a “couples” group.
10. Only talk to people you want to, not being forced to meet annoying friends and family of your spouse and pretend to like them.

And as someone very mean, yet wise once told me… “Incredipete, if opposites attract, you’re really underestimating your drawing power.” Ouch. But that’s a good way to look at it. By that logic, I should be able to find a beautiful conservative virgin doctor. Or not.

  13 comments for “Dating Is For Masochists

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete But then I wouldn’t be doing the dishes, and how could I be sure you did it correctly? (Yes, I’m a bit obsessive compulsive… if by a “bit” I mean in the same sense that the sun is a “bit” warm.)

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker I think you should just forget all those things you’ve been looking for and find some cute, dumb girl who does dishes!

  3. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT As a recovering nice guy myself, I’m living proof that sometimes even nice guys get the girl, despite themselves!

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker What? You mean you don’t like having multiple females stretched all across your bed?

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete If you include their tails, they are both as long as me… Dang them. And if they would just sleep parallel to each other, it wouldn’t be a problem…

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Teets Your girls look like they own the place. I can’t imagine sleeping with 2 big dogs in the bed. My little Abby is only 15 lbs. and she manages to hog the whole bed. She likes to sleep in the middle and spread out as much as possible.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kamasue Incredipete it’s true, Reggi is the only man I have ever really loved. He likes to snuggle, he’s always happy to see me, he eats whatever I give him, and I know he loves me too. You have some beautiful ladies there. Enjoy the unconditional love!

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental Okay, enough with the “nice guy” thing. You’ve brought it up so often, that i am simply forced to write about it now. Thanks for giving me something to work on today. My boss won’t be very pleased though that this will now be the focus of my attention.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I consider myself an uber-smart geek, but I’m also an ass. Oh well.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy I hope this doesn’t sound cliche’, but it’s comming from somebody who also has had the “nice guy” line more than once. I have also spent several years saying “screw it” I’m spending my life on trashy bimbos and the like, and then finally when I wasn’t looking, and just being myself and wasn’t trying to be in a relationship Bam! I fall in love. and get married. soooooooo the moral is….? um maybe there isn’t a moral to this story…

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Airheaded beefcake has never worked for me. Give me the shy, retiring uber-smart geek anyday. Just as long as he’s not an ass.

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker First!! =)~

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Walker Look at those babes!!

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