So, another day has come and gone, and I realized once again that I hate everyone in the world, with the exception of the people that have a password to my site.
I spent some quality time over the weekend with a girl. Yes, an actual girl. Granted, it was the one that dumped me because she doesn’t like nice guys.
I don’t know why I spent time with her, because there’s obviously something seriously wrong with her brain. But I did, and we had fun. We’ve always gotten along great, even when she was in the process of dumping me.
But, not to let me down in the strangeness department, she informed me after 3 separate “dates” (I put that in quotes because it’s one of those times I really can’t be sure that it’s a “date”… we might just be hanging out… who knows) that “Oh, by the way… did I mention that I’m moving to Washington DC in December?”
WTF? No, I think you forgot to mention that the past 2 days. And how long have you known this, anyway? Last time I talked to you, we were going to get our MBA’s together at UMKC. Did you forget about that little plan? Remember how you borrowed my GMAT study book so you could be prepared? Uhhhh….
I guess I am getting what I deserve. I should have steered clear of any woman that claims to “not like nice guys.” But I just thought it was extra honest, since in my experience, most women don’t like nice guys. We’re not “dangerous” enough, and there’s nothing sexier than a guy with a good right cross. (I’ve heard)
But all in all, it was bizarre. And that’s how our relationship has always been. Like I said, I shouldn’t be surprised to get weirdness from her. But on some level, I will miss her.
And so my plan to remain a bachelor seems to be working out great, despite various and sundry attempts at relationships. I always end up getting told I’m “the best guy friend she’s ever had!” Great. And then my ex’s spend a big portion of their time trying to set me up with random skanks. “Incredipete, she’s perfect for you… she has big boobs.” They always fail to mention that she also has the IQ of a Dixie cup, and the morals of a hooker. And she’s always a liberal, dangit!
And it just goes to prove that the women I date have NO idea what I’m looking for in a woman. That’s a bit twisted, but I’m used to it.
To be honest, I don’t know what I’m looking for in a woman either, but I imagine it probably will involve a decent IQ (150-180 range…lol), strong opinions on things that matter, and traditional values. And yeah, cute is nice, too. But cute and dumb only works for me for about 6-12 months, and then I can’t take it anymore. By then, I feel obligated to try and make it work, but my displeasure is always so apparent, she ends up dumping me. I guess it probably makes it easier to sleep at night when they dump me.
There are upsides to being single.
1. All disposable income can be spent on yourself.
2. No one nags you to do anything, ever.
3. No anniversaries to remember.
4. No one to complain if you stay out all night.
5. Date anyone you want to.
6. Set your own schedule and laugh at your married friends who have to ask permission to go out.
7. Pee on the seat without fear of retribution.
8. McDonalds every night.
9. Never have to be in a “couples” group.
10. Only talk to people you want to, not being forced to meet annoying friends and family of your spouse and pretend to like them.
And as someone very mean, yet wise once told me… “Incredipete, if opposites attract, you’re really underestimating your drawing power.” Ouch. But that’s a good way to look at it. By that logic, I should be able to find a beautiful conservative virgin doctor. Or not.