Cops Think I Look Suspicious

And here comes another one. It’s hard to believe that I have so much to say, but lucky for you I’ve got tons where this came from. After my latest run in with the law, I have decided to spend some time talking about law enforcement.

Let me kick things off with my whiny, belligerent comment “Why do the stinking cops pick on us poor guys just trying to get home in one piece while a mile away someone is gunning people down in the cafeteria of their workplace and there isn’t a cop to be found?”

After the musical Wednesday night, Jennyanydots and I both got pulled over by the cops. She got pulled over for speeding, and I got pulled over for my headlight being out. Here’s the thing, my headlight couldn’t have been out for more than about 5 minutes, because I was sitting behind a truck just before that and both headlights were reflecting off of it’s bumper. I know, I’m a nerd… I check things like that all the time because I’m anal retentive.

Needless to say, Jennyanydots didn’t get a ticket because she is a little hottie. I managed to talk my way into a warning, but it was not easy. However, this is the first time I’ve ever been pulled over and not ticketed. My sister, for example, has been pulled over roughly 350 times, and has had 4 accidents, at least one of which I’m sure was her fault, and has never gotten a ticket. I once got a ticket for going 39 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. Talk about profiling the males of the population. If you happen to be a girl with a pretty face or a low cut top, you can get away with anything.

I would love to see a statistical survey of incidents where only a warning was given. I would bet money that at least 85% of the warnings were given to females. Now I realize, this is totally NOT the female drivers’ fault. The police are the ones to blame for this rampant inequity.

Another point about the police is that they are never there when a real crime takes place. They are just the cleanup crew. Can you imagine if the police were actually effective at preventing crime? It would be amazing. Rudy Gulliani achieved success in New York City by putting 2 officers on every block. If that’s what it takes to prevent crime, then why don’t we do it everywhere? And you’ll never see a New York cop giving someone a ticket for a traffic violation. You might see a New York Cop flipping the bird at a driver, or yelling curses at them, but they never give citations. They know it’s a waste of their time, and there are better things for them to be doing.

You know you’re in a crappy town when they do things like speed traps. This is a sure sign that either A)The town is too small to have crime, and is in desperate need of a hitchhiking serial killer to wander through, or B)The police don’t want to deal with the real problems in their jurisdiction, so they are pretending to do some effective police work by giving tons of tickets.

Issuing traffic tickets is not effective at reducing jack squat. 95% of the population speed, make illegal U-turns and illegal lefts, roll through stop signs, and cut each other off without signaling. The threat of a ticket is ever-present, but that doesn’t stop people from doing it. The fact of the matter is, if they want people to follow the traffic laws, they’re just going to have to work with the car manufacturers and create automated cars that drive themselves.

And then we have the LAPD, which puts the “fun” back into “merciless beatings.” Their approach is to pull motorists out of their cars and beat the living crap out of them, then take them back to jail and molest them. You have to hand it to them, it’s an innovative approach. But it doesn’t work, as evidenced by the incredibly bad driving of everyone in LA. I’m sure a lot of the bad driving is due to the carloads of 26 illegal Mexicans trying to get to the valley to steal some of our quality jobs, like picking fruit and changing bed linens at hotels.

I’m not for eliminating police altogether, because we need someone packing heat to go into the trailer park to arrest “Bubba the Bastard” who beat his wife with the butt of his AK-47. That’s not a job I’d like to have.

Sometimes when I’m at a department store, the clerk will follow me around to make sure I’m not shoplifting. I guess I just have that look to me. Who knows.

Well, that’s enough for now…

  19 comments for “Cops Think I Look Suspicious

  1. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right I agree with HandyPandy, only I’m not gay, and I am a woman, and I think Incredipete is quite a catch, and my opinion should count because I’ve actually had him!

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HandyPandy My goodness “Andrea” is really one to talk. I think if I was a hideous creature like her, I would limit my comments about “pathetic losers.” Don’t feel bad that she doesn’t like you Incredipete. “Lynne” will still go to lunch with you, and she’s one hot gal. “Andrea” maybe you should get yourself some cosmetic surgery before you start giving advice on being cool to people. To be honest, if I was gay or a woman, I’d think Incredipete was quite a catch. But I’m not gay or a woman, so sorry Incredipete.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Alas, I’m afraid you are correct, Ms. Right. I am still a nerd, much to my dismay. But it seems to work for me.

  4. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right Sultry, huh? Thanks HRT. You are too kind. Incredipeter was a big nerd when I met him, but that was what I actually fell in love with. It takes a special kind of person to carry the nerd image gracefully. I’m kinda sad that he has lost so much of his nerdiness, but just shaving his head doesn’t change his personality. I know that deep down, he’s still the same big nerd I met 8 years ago.

  5. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT …oh and BTW, Incredipete you were a big ‘ol nerd in High School admit it. I was too, but I’ve learned to embrace my inner geekness, you should too.

  6. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT WoW. That Ms. Right is a cutie. And that b/w photo makes her look like some sultry siren from back in the days of silent pictures.

  7. The
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: The Redhead I got out of a ticket just a few weeks ago. It’s all true about women getting out of tickets. It’s so unfair. I sure am glad I’m a girl though.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Alas, the only picture of Ms. Right that I have in digital form is a crappy scan from her portfolio about 7 years ago. If she would like to send me a newer pic, she can send it to Incredipete. But I guess it will have to do for now:

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: jamey My Goodness Incredipeter: You are an unmitigated bastard for putting such a despicable pic of “Lynne” (out there)! You should be ashamed. No longer your groupie the jamester

  10. Ms.
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Ms. Right I had no idea Lynne was so sexy, and what a striking resemblance to Zeta-Jones. Why don’t you put a picture of me up there, babe. That would give your posse something to talk about. BTW, who is the perp pretending to be me on that “King and I” article. Someone is trying to smear my good name, and I don’t appreciate it one bit. I swear, it really wasn’t me! I’ve been trying to stay out of it ever since the infamous catfight.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Here is that picture of “Andrea” I promised you:

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Roger I got pulled over and breathalysed just for helping a girl who had broken down. Of course they pulled both of us over, but let her go almost instantly. They had watched everything from about a hundred yards away, so I don’t know what they expected to find. Probably the broken comb (where I have such bad hair) tangled up in the booster leads.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete As soon as I have time, I’m gonna post a picture of “Andrea”

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Andrea” See he was a “pathetic loser” when I met him.

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: “Lynne” whatever. you still look like that.

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete In case anyone’s wondering what the heck this is:

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: chadly Pumpkin Eater – I couldn’t agree more with your rant. ESPECIALLY the crap about girls getting out of tickets. I once dated a girl who’s father was a police detective. She’d been pulled over, near as she could tell, about 35 times (often commuting to her Catholic school – I’m sure the uniform didn’t hurt). Needless to say, she’d never received a single ticket. She was 18. Drive recklessly, Chadly

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete HRT is first! I guess he’s really earning that membership…

  19. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I got a warning once. But then I am bootilicious.

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