College Sports Are For Dummies

I wouldn’t feel right unless I made someone mad, so here goes.

College sports are lame. Indeed, they are. College sports are “the man’s” way of generating revenue for the college, while at the same time fooling people into continuing phys ed.

You notice that almost never do you see a really knowledgeable person playing sports. Sure, there are exceptions, like… oh wait… maybe there aren’t. I sure can’t think of any at the moment. Sports are a substitute for useful learning.

Frankly, I blame the colleges. They are exploiting members of the student body, and I think that’s just wrong.

Now sure, the athletes (ignorant people) think that it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. They get to skip class, blow off homework, bomb tests, and still graduate, while all the while getting to indulge in the sport of their choice.

Only trouble is, after they spend their college career worrying about their percentage of body fat instead of worrying about the number of neural synapses they form, they leave college dumber than when they started.

I freely admit, I always secretly wished I was a jock. Girls like jocks. Jocks are usually cocky, muscular, and full of themselves, three qualities that women just can’t get enough of. (Note the subtle use of a preposition at the end of the previous sentence.) However, that was the only reason I ever wanted to be a jock. I have no innate desire to bond with a bunch of sweaty guys, nor do I have any desire to shower with them, etc.

But I quickly realized that intense athletics and real learning do not mix well. I’m such a quick study, I realized this in high school, thus saving myself a life of misery. (Or if ignorance is bliss, then a life of bliss.) I’m not saying I couldn’t have gotten A’s while playing a sport…. I’m just saying I wouldn’t have learned anything in the process. Anyone can get A’s if they’re a good skimmer. But they sure aren’t going to acquire much knowledge, even by accident.

Sports are idolized, especially in college. They ARE the school spirit. When was the last time you saw the “MBA Cheerleaders?” Trust me, we could use them. But academics has taken a back seat.

Am I bitter that I was not a jock? No, not really. Every jock I know went on to a brilliant career of making 10 bucks an hour. Note that I don’t know anyone that’s become a professional athlete. They may make a lot of money, but, so did MC Hammer. That only proves once again that the IQ of the masses is the mean (100) divided by the population (n=250,000,000) which gives us a mean IQ of 0.0000004. I’m just saying.

I digress… college sports are a way for people that were slackers in high school to get scholarships. Ooooh. You can throw a ball… I’m soooo impressed.

  9 comments for “College Sports Are For Dummies

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Steph Incredipete….your topic…so…uncomfortable. You almost sound like a weeny crybaby liberal, Incredipete. You’re making me feel weird. Now cut it out. Let the boys play ball and go to court on their assault charges and wear their sports rings and be hot in their athletic way, and you keep on kickin’ it conservative white collar over there, making the big bucks, and you all can sit down and drink a beer together. (Go check out Dusty’s 401k rap again, and it’ll make you feel better, honest.) And if the dude just HAS to go breakin’ your balls over some macho sports thing, just play it cool, level him a good comeback he can’t work out, and then walk away clean. We’re all just running our own races, man. Don’t be a hater. (Call me.)

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathy So — what do the ex-jocks call the ex-nerds after graduation?

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wombat I hat4e college sports for entirely different reasons. I hate them because the skill of the team has nothing to do with the television coverage. Coverage is determined by money, so the richest schools get to be on the TV year after year, regardless of how good they actually are.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andy Incredipete, you really, really need to get a blow job or laid or something….you sound a bit “uptight”

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I only have twice the sex appeal of Hillary Clinton? Shoot me now.

  6. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT My favorite thing about a good Incredipete rant is that it is all fluff and no substance. It’s kind of like listening to Hillary Clinton, only with about twice the sex appeal.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Me, push buttons?!

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Nightmare Oh Incredipete, you just like the button pushing don’t you! I will agree with you that a majority of college athletes couldn’t think their way out of a wet paper sack. However please do not lump all of us in with the masses of urbanites who think that E=MC2 is a rap group from Detroit. Some of us “College Athletes” used the scholarships to actually get an education and to further increase the size of our brain pans. Yes we were over sexed, booze hounds while we did it but that is just taking advantage of the benefits of the job. It would be like if you had a great job that you loved and never took your given two weeks paid vacation every year. It is a benefit, and you would be silly to not take advantage of it. So help me make the NCAA a better place by insisting that they revamp the term “Student Athlete” and make the kids stay and get an education. Make the scholarships contingent on graduation. no diploma, then you owe the school for the years of wasted education, and you must pay back the tuition. And not to the athletic department, but to the science department so America can stop getting it’s collective ass kicked by the Asians.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Andria I agree that college sports suck, only for the simple fact that I don’t care about them. And… girls may go for the jocks in high school, but once they become women, and realize what they want, the brainy nice guys are way more appealing.

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