In life, there are often many shades of grey, many sides to situations, and lots of complex interactions that make decisions difficult. Then sometimes life decides to smack you in the face with a dose of clarity. There’s nothing more liberating than knowing you’re doing the right thing. It really doesn’t matter how difficult or painful it may be, it’s the realization that it’s time to pull off the band-aid, and then just ripping it off.
In life, sometimes people will listen, try to understand, and try to resolve things. Other times, they will hear what they want to hear, try to turn it around and make everything you said about themselves (your feelings can’t be hurt because MY feelings are MORE hurt), and then cut you off. Today I was one email away from getting cut off (or one past – it was hard to tell) when I realized – why am I kicking against the goads (to quote the Bible)? If there is no hope for understanding, then there is no chance for anything positive to come out of it. It’s literally falling on your own dagger without any purpose. Taking a bullet for someone is different than jumping in front of the crazy train.
My father who was once a preacher taught his church “People are like a cup full to the brim… when you bump the cup, whatever comes out – that’s what was always inside… you just may not have known it.” Wise words.
Although no one will ever know the details of the circumstances, I seek comfort in the knowledge that if presented in front of an impartial jury, my words would be found not guilty of anger, bitterness, or knee-jerk spite. Not one word was intended to hurt. I would have no problem whatsoever with every word I said and wrote being posted in public… I know the same can’t be said for the other parties.
In the end, each of us must defend what we believe to be right, regardless the consequences. We must use words filled with kindness and compassion even as we say things that are hard to hear. And ultimately we must remove ourselves from the situations in our life that bring us emotional turmoil – but never without first speaking the truth. Bad friends stab you in the back, but good ones stab you in the front.
I honestly struggled with whether I should post this. What if the people I’m referring to read it? But the facts are this: I’ve been vague and only they will know who they are, and I know from today that there is no way their opinion of me could be any lower in spite of the obligatory “We’ve always thought you were awesome” as the axe was whacked simultaneously. And, this is my place. My place to purge what’s inside my head so I can let it go. To speak it out of existence. I’m sure much will be said about me behind my back. As others went through exactly my circumstances, I got to hear the horrible things that were said about them… as did many others.
Officially over it, and now it’s been purged. Thanks for listening.