Censorship

When I first started blogging, I had no idea what I was in for. I wasn’t your typical “today I pooped then I ate burnt toast” type of blogger. I wanted to see if I could be funny or entertaining. It turns out, I couldn’t do either. What I could do was piss people off. That turned out to be a core comIncredipetence.

However, even in the days when I was causing e-riots and generating death threats, I never really just “let it rip.” I’ve always censored myself. I’ve never mentioned names, I’ve never just said exactly what I’m thinking without holding back. I know that some of my long-time readers will find this hard to believe.

The truth is, I’m a truculent, loudmouthed jerk. I just do a halfassed job of covering that up most of the time. But IncrediIncredipete (now “The Compassionate Conservative) is supposed to be a place where freedom of speech reigns supreme. If I can’t cuss and say obnoxious things, what’s the point?

There are many reasons I censored myself. I wanted to maintain the illusion that I wasn’t a sociopathic nut. I wanted to avoid alienating my friends and family. I wanted to not get fired. I wanted to seem reasonable.

But these are not good reasons to hold back. If everyone on earth just spoke their minds, the world would be a better place. For instance, when I say “Obama is an ideologue” what I actually mean is “Obama is a racist, power-hungry, psychotic communist.” See how much more clear that is?

So let me clear up a few things.

When I’ve said “we should execute violent criminals” what I actually mean is we should “torture, maim, and keep violent criminals alive until they start to enjoy it, then we should kill them.”

When I’ve said “Altruism is for suckers” what I actually mean is “the next person who tries to take advantage of my kindness and generosity is going to be shoved down a flight of stairs.”

When I’ve said “Muslims are responsible for almost every attack on American soil” what I actually mean is “we should nuke them all.”

When I’ve said “Government shouldn’t be responsible for taking care of people” what I actually mean is “poor people can suck it up and find a way out, or they can starve.”

When I’ve said “The environment is overrated” what I actually mean is “You hippies need to take a hike off the edge of a cliff.”

When I’ve said “Social security should be eliminated” what I actually mean is “Old people who didn’t save for retirement should starve.”

When I’ve said “Black people can’t drive” what I actually mean is “Asian people can’t drive.”

When I’ve said “The average number of sexual partners is 10.7” what I actually mean is “You are such disgusting whores it makes me gag.”

When I’ve said “Women make terrible managers” what I actually mean is “Bitches be crazy.”

I hope this has cleared some things up for you. In the future I’ll try to be more clear from the get go.

  3 comments for “Censorship

  1. Megs
    September 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    All I can say is “wow”. Bravo!

  2. livieloo
    September 6, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Oh my goodness, this makes me laugh out loud!

  3. September 16, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Okay, fair enough. But maybe a new title for your blog is in order?

Comments are closed.