Cellevision

It’s time to update. I apologize for the slowness, but I’ve had some blistering horrible migraines that seem to be recurring. I hadn’t had one since last September, and suddenly, they’re back with a vengence.

Last night The Jenna convinced me to take an Ambien so I could get a full night’s sleep. I slept like a baby for 8 hours, and then woke up with another migraine. Blech. So my windows are covered with blankets, and I take my prescription. 3 hours later, I’m ready to make my way to work.

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I’d like to discuss “Cellevision” which is the demented idea to put television programs onto cellular phones. Now, I’m not one to judge innovation, especially where television is concerned, but let’s get real.

Cell phones have been getting smaller and smaller, while televisions have been getting bigger and bigger. I spend my time saving up money so I can buy a 100″ plasma screen, just as soon as they invent one.

I’m not interested in watching soap operas on a 3/4 inch screen. Call me narrow-minded.

I understand this idea is very popular in Japan. However, let’s talk about some other things that are popular in Japan:

1. Kancho

2. Honda

3. Translating everything into Engrish

4. Living in one bedroom apartments with their entire extended family

5. Eating raw fish

6. Eating seaweed

I think we can all agree that we should probably not try to follow Japanese fads here in America.

And let’s think about the horrible thought of some 16 year old punk in his tricked out Civic watching MTV on his phone while he cruises around. Not a good plan.

Pretty soon people will want bigger and bigger screens on their phones until eventually we’ll have bag phones that fold out into 27″ screens. Phones will weigh 20 pounds and have an 18 inch antennae array.

Yes, it’s time to kill cellevision before we waste any more development money on it.

Incredipete

  34 comments for “Cellevision

  1. July 12, 2005 at 12:11 pm

    Sorry to hear about your migraines. Maybe you have an alien in your head. Might wanna get it looked at.

    I have no desire to watch TV on my cellphone, either, unless it’s CNN and there’s a bomb going off nearby. So far, that hasn’t happened to me. Seems an FM signal would be just as helpful, though, and that already exists.

  2. Jennyanydots
    July 12, 2005 at 12:25 pm

    HEY! I DRIVE A HONDA!

  3. July 12, 2005 at 12:31 pm

    Well personally I think the migrains are caused by too many years of self gratification! It took you so long to get a girlfriend that when you did get one your body rebelled!

    Japanese fads all scare me! Have you seen their porn? it is NASTY!!

  4. July 12, 2005 at 12:38 pm

    yea, but the japanese gave us Bukakke. So hey, it balances out.

    that tart (are you still banging that skank-tart?) has you on drugs now? wonderful.

  5. July 12, 2005 at 12:43 pm

    Sorry Jenny… you know I love the Curve… 🙂

    Maybe my migraines are from the incessant hate mail I get from you losers!

  6. July 12, 2005 at 12:46 pm

    Incredipete, you left out another thing that comes from Japan: BUKAKKE. That should tell you enough right there.

    Who can watch tv on a cell phone? Sorry, but when I watch Real World, I need it on my 35 inch television, as it was intended to see drunk girls putting out for their roommates.

  7. hrt
    July 12, 2005 at 1:22 pm

    Hey! I like sushi!

    Wow, I never thought those words would ever come out of my mouth.

    Anyway, eh, I’m hoping cellevision is one of those passing fads like cars that talk to you incessantly. Remember those from the 80’s?

    “Your door is ajar.”

    But alas I fear that as a nation our compulsion for constant entertainment and visual stimulus will in fact not decrease the amount of video screens but rather increase them. In the future, in an attempt to increase the size of the screen while decreasing the size of the phone, we’ll all me implanted with a microchip directly onto the visual cortex which will allow us the equivalent of an IMAX video screen all from a microchip the size of a pimple. And it will be at that exact moment that all direct conversation, human to human will cease…

    …and then the end will come.

    Wasn’t the fact that talentless Paris Hilton had her own “reality show” the 3rd sign of the apocolypse anyway?

  8. July 12, 2005 at 1:46 pm

    MMM RAW FISHIES!

  9. July 12, 2005 at 2:31 pm

    Andira, there is nothing wrong with Bukkake. Nothing. The physical expression of love between a man and a woman is beatiful.

  10. Rik
    July 12, 2005 at 2:47 pm

    Am i missing something? What is Bukakke?

  11. July 12, 2005 at 2:49 pm

    OMG. Rik, that’s probably not a question you should ask these people. They might actually explain it…

  12. July 12, 2005 at 2:50 pm

    Rik, do a google image search with “Safe search” off.

    Warning. Don’t do this at work. Don’t do this if you are under 18, don’t do this if you are easly offended at sexual images.

    It’s kinda like “face Painting” for adults.

    Kinda, but not really.

  13. July 12, 2005 at 3:10 pm

    What is it about names that begin with the letters “And” that they are so knowledgeable about stuff like bukkake?

  14. July 12, 2005 at 3:17 pm

    I like yellow people.

  15. July 12, 2005 at 3:19 pm
  16. July 12, 2005 at 3:20 pm

    and because I am a pervert.

    …thougth that was common knowledge.

  17. July 12, 2005 at 3:22 pm
  18. July 12, 2005 at 3:23 pm

    Oh yeah, hope those killer headaches go away.

  19. July 12, 2005 at 4:05 pm

    Face painting for adults – HAHAHAHAHAHA

    DK, you shutup. You’re just jealous of my knowledge of sexual perversion. 😉

  20. July 12, 2005 at 4:05 pm

    Just 4 days and Jenna can help rid me of my headaches….

  21. July 12, 2005 at 4:29 pm

    Andy you know you ADORE skank-tarts like myself. XOXOXOXOXO

  22. July 12, 2005 at 4:45 pm

    She’s MY skank-tart…

  23. July 12, 2005 at 4:49 pm

    Incredipete’s a spunky funky junkie for her love.

  24. Rik
    July 12, 2005 at 4:59 pm

    Thank you WCG for the worksafe explanation. Everyday i fear a little more for my sanity and you all make me feel a little more at home. In Incredipete’s fucked-up-incredi-world. 😀

  25. July 13, 2005 at 8:59 am

    Jenna, you are one of my favorite skant tarts. I say “Skanktart” will all the love and respect I can muster.

    Honestly, WCG, I spewed coffee over “spunky funky junkie.”. Wonderful.

  26. July 13, 2005 at 9:17 am

    Thank you dear. The whole video is kinda bizarre in that way…

  27. July 13, 2005 at 10:05 am

    I know it, my Dahlin Andy. We should all get together and have a Mai Tai party!! I’ll provide the pink grass skirts and coconut bikini tops – you supply the abnormally small cars and booze. XOXO

  28. July 13, 2005 at 10:20 am

    Sounds good. It’s been days since I’ve danced around in a pink grass skirt and drank mai tias.

  29. July 13, 2005 at 10:27 am

    My question is, who’s bringing the extra large coconuts for Jenna?

  30. "Lynne"
    July 13, 2005 at 10:28 am

    HAHAHA Incredipetee! You can’t block me!!!!!

  31. July 13, 2005 at 10:31 am

    My genius friend! Just don’t tell anyone else how to do it! 🙂

  32. July 13, 2005 at 11:56 am

    I thought Jenna already has extra large coconuts!

  33. July 13, 2005 at 12:53 pm

    LOL! They’d look like coconut pasties!!!! LOL!!!!!!

  34. July 13, 2005 at 2:12 pm

    Well Incredipete I hope you’re not the jealous type cuz Jenna’s getting totally spanked by Johnny Virgil…

    What? No one else is gonna give Jenna the vote?

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