Celebrating America, American Style

We Americans are often looked upon with disdain by our British friends. They don’t really think of our July 4th holiday as “independence day” as we do. They see it as the “colonial rebellion”. Which it was. However, the fact that a bunch of farmers with shovels beat the British army tells you a little something about the grit of the American psyche.

Now we feel that we are the best, most advanced, most wonderful country on earth. Most of us don’t even care to see England, because frankly…. it’s just a bunch of old stuff. Theirs is an empire that peaked 100 years ago, and ours still hasn’t, best as I can tell.

I don’t feel bad for thinking America is better than everyone. Most people around the world have national pride, even if they live in a dump.

And what better way to celebrate getting free of British imperialism than by blowing stuff up and getting hammered, not necessarily in that order.

Fireworks are illegal pretty much everywhere within a 50 mile radius of my house, yet for the past two days it’s sounded like a war zone in my neighborhood. People unabashedly blow up grenades, dynamite, shoot of their AK-47s, and pretty much light anything on fire that will burn. The police and fire department are too busy arresting drunk drivers to worry about the gunfire and explosions, so people just carry on. Not to mention we Americans feel entitled to do whatever the heck we want on our own property.

So for all you Brits out there, sorry you got beat by a bunch of upstart colonists with pitchforks and shovels. You suck.

In the words of our great founding fathers: Neener neener neener! And in the words of the late, great Charlton Heston: You can have our guns when you pry them from our cold, dead hands.

  2 comments for “Celebrating America, American Style

  1. July 4, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    I’ve been watching a show on the History Channel about the Revolutionary War. It wasn’t as easy a win as most Americans think it was. And as I recall we did have a bit of help from the French.

    But that’s another disdainful blog entry, I’m sure. Happy Getting Hammered and Blowing Shit Up Day!

  2. livieloo
    July 8, 2009 at 7:31 am

    Bahaha. I’m SO bummed I wasn’t here for the 4th this year. Ironically enough I flew out of London that morning and was in Ireland that night. I’m bummed I didn’t get to ask a few Brits how they felt about America kicking their ass… maybe next time I’m over there I’ll get to.

Comments are closed.