Bravo Trainwreck

I found myself watching a show on Bravo called Millionaire Matchmaker.

OMG.

First of all, how did so many idiots become millionaires? Most of the candidates I saw on this show were barely able to form a sentence including a noun and a verb. Yet they were business executives, entrepreneurs, etc. Apparently that old saw about not what you know but who you know has some real teeth.

Anyhow, they do like a police lineup of potential “mates” where they have a one way mirror and they have these chicks parade in one at a time and “audition” to be this millionaire’s woman – and they’ve never seen a picture, read a bio… anything. All they know about these men is that they are millionaires.

Now I don’t want to over-simplify, but can’t we assume that every last one of these women is a pathetic gold-digger? The only reason this matchmaker woman is successful is she pairs up women who are willing to sell themselves for a BMW with a man who is willing to pay for a hot, dumb woman.

I’ve decided to pitch a new show to Bravo called “Broke-Ass Deadbeat Matchmaker.” I would have implied I’d pitch it to BET, but then you’d all call me a racist.

In my show, I take deadbeat men and find them women who are willing to work, take care of the kids, clean the trailer, cook dinner, and buy him beer and drugs. Let’s face it, there’s a real hole in the programming for deadbeat guys looking for love.

In Millionaire Matchmaker, one of her rules is “no sex till monogamy” which none of the participants actually follow. In my show, the rule will be “no sex unless he’s an alcoholic convicted felon out on parole.”

  1 comment for “Bravo Trainwreck

  1. May 4, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Millionaire Matchmaker is totally awesome, because it shows that no matter how much money a person has, it can not buy class or taste. It is painfully clear why some of these dudes are paying someone to find them dates.

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