Black Friday

First off, I think it’s racist to call the most aggravating shopping day of the year “Black”.

Last year, countless herds of morons trampled and crushed other morons in a fight to get cheap electronics. Many of us felt this was simply nature culling the herd of its weaker members… killing off moron genes.

Many of the trampled morons had arrived at midnight and waited in line in the bitter cold for 6 or 8 hours till the stores opened. I’d be in a hurry to get inside, too.

What the stores failed to mention in their ads last year was that “limited quantities, no rain checks” mean “We have one of these things at the listed price.” So once inside the store, more fights broke out due to the fact that after waiting for 8 hours in the cold, the store didn’t actually have a sale going on… just good marketing.

This year, CNN polled America to find out how many people planned to shop on Black Friday. 13%. And stores changed their approach as well, in hopes of avoiding having crowds of morons trampling their employees to death.

This year might be a calmer Black Friday, but that still won’t lure me out. I’d gladly pay full price to avoid spending my day with the morons who still choose to brave the day.