Alone is OK

Being comfortable with yourself is one of the hardest things in life to accomplish. I say that because in some ways, I’m not comfortable with myself.

But, I’m a lot more comfortable now than I was, say, 4 years ago. Four years ago I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to die sad and lonely, and I’d never find love.

I realize now that the problem wasn’t other people, it was me. I was not someone that was particularly “attractive.” And I don’t mean that in a physical way. Physically, I am what I am. I’m bald, I have a big nose, and I don’t spend enough time in the gym. Those are the facts. What I mean was that at the time, I was totally absorbed in my own crap.

Four years ago, I was living in my parent’s basement, working 60 hours a week, and taking 18 hours of classes a semester. I didn’t have any money whatsoever, even though I was living at home, because my stupid tuition was roughly 80% of my income.

I’m certainly not blaming the circumstances for my problems. I chose the circumstances myself. I didn’t want to have huge student loans, and I didn’t want to be in school till I was 30, which would have happened had I not sped up my school.

However, not having any money or time, I never had anyone interested in me. Not even a little bit. Not even a nibble. The combination of lack of sleep, stress, and never having anyone interested lead me to believe that it was going to be like that forever.

Obviously that was a silly notion, but it was easy to fall into given the circumstances.

Many a person has tried to psychoanalyze me, telling me everything from “you’re a weirdo,” to “you need to get over your past.” Well, those statements may both be true, but they aren’t what I’d call helpful.

As I get older, and circumstances improve, I’ve realized that chasing after people that aren’t interested is probably the single worst thing I could do. It’s bad for my confidence, bad for our friendship (assuming she’s a friend) and it just won’t make any dang difference. As that stupid song goes “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.” Sappy, but a true statement.

I’ve spent so much time trying to emulate what I’ve seen other people do to “find love.” For instance, I’ve noted that many couples meet while drunk, spend their entire time dating drunk, and get married drunk. Well, that didn’t work for me because I don’t enjoy drinking. Needless to say, it’s been a totally ineffective course of action, because… it’s just not me. I gots to be me. So if someone likes me for me, then great. If not, I’m not going to spend time trying to change their minds.

And that’s the mistake I’ve been making. All along, there were people that were interested in me, and there were people that I was interested in. That only aligned a couple of times in my life, and even those didn’t work.

I’m convinced that waiting, combined with always trying to improve myself, in my skills, education, career, whatever…. it’s the correct course of action. I can’t spend my life worrying about when or if I’ll find that “perfect person.” I’ve been in love a couple of times, so I know what the standard is. I just need to wait for someone that shares that same feeling for me.

I’m finally confident that I will be right for someone. I have a few things to offer, and somebody out there is looking for those things. I just have to be patient. Heck, I’m only 26…

On the other hand, I can finally say, if that doesn’t happen, I’ll be fine. Either way, I’ll have my friends and family.

So, for all of the people that have been interested in me, and I didn’t feel the same way, sorry. I know it sucks, I’ve been on the other side of that equation a few times. For the people I was interested in, that weren’t interested in me… I’m sorry for trying to put a square peg in a round hole (seriously… no pun intended). I know it sucks to be on the receiving end of that crap.

I’d say something to the future Ms. Right, but I’m confident she’d never stoop to reading this mindless drivel.

Heck, I don’t even read it.

  19 comments for “Alone is OK

  1. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Wow…I did it all wrong…in love at 18…enganged at 20…married at 22…a parent at 27…unbelievable happy right now.

    Like I told Andria…it just happens. And it won’t happen until it does.

  2. Rik
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Incredipete, damned skippy!! Don’t chase anyone anymore. And act like you’re not interested. Apparently they love that shit.
    DK, you’re absolutely right! I’d say women aren’t ready until after 25, but men definetly after 30.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Ok, I’ll try this comment again. I thought Oklahoma was OK?

    That’s it, Incredipete. I am moving to Kansas so I can begin to stalk you properly right now.

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Ok, I don’t follow ALL of Andy’s advice… just the parts that sound manly and non-feygish.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Let’s see…I wasn’t allowed to have fun as a teenager so I overcompensated in my early 20’s by-you guessed it-drinking and fucking everything in sight. By 26 I was ready to grow up; two months before my 28th b-day I was married. I gave birth to my first child two months after my 30th b-day.

    Shit, Incredipete, you’re just on the cusp of a big life direction-change. Hang in there; she’s out there. And she digs pudgy bald guys with big noses…

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    In todays Society I agree with the over 30 observation. YOu think I’m a babbleing idoit? you should have seem me 12 years ago. I was frigin idoit. So Incredipete, given that you are not going to be ready for the marriage game for a while, I suggest you go out and boink everyhting that moves.

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    In my humble opinion, women aren’t ready until they stop getting wasted and sleeping around. Most of the women I meet are still in the “getting wasted and sleeping around” stage… so yet another reason to wait.

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    In my humble (yeah right) opinion… American men aren’t really “ready” until they are over 30.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I’m gonna try pretending to be engaged. Maybe that will work.

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I like Andy’s advice. That’s why I always do whatever he says.

  11. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    I have to say Incredipete, I didn’t know you were that young. Don’t worry about the relationship thing. Be open to it, but for the most part have a “oh fuck it” attittude.

    Enjoy the place in your life where you happen to be at.

  12. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Hey, let’s not get all, ‘Nationalist’ there, DK. In my not-so-humble opinion, no men are ready until 30, regardless of where they come from.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Dude, you just need to relax. Finding love isn’t something you can persue like a degree in super geekdom or whatever it was you majored in. It needs to be ignored until the right one falls out of the sky lands on your face and starts to wiggle.

    When that happens then, you can try and push it to the alter. But as Marlboro man’s pappy once told him “Never chase busses or women…you’ll always be left behind”

    And I would also suggest lots of girls there looking for studs.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Careful, You don’t want to frighten him, Allie :^)

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    But you’ll still blatently flirt, right??

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    But of course!

  17. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    Anything anyone has to say on this subject is crap. What works for one person might be unbelievably inappropriate for another.

    If up to this point you’ve been too shy, maybe you need to be more assertive. If you’ve been too aggressive maybe you need to cool it. Some people need to just sit back and “let it happen” those people should not be surprised when they die uncomforably alone. (not to be confused with the comfortably alone) It’s great that you’ve had your epiphany, because it has been my experience that the more comfortable and confident you are with your inner-hottieness, the greater the likelihood that you will be irresistably attractive to the opposite sex.

    Or you could always just get engaged, that seems to somehow make women fall out of the woodwork.

  18. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am


    That explains the pink shirts and the chocolate massage oils, Incredipete.

  19. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    26 … such a young thing .. need an older woman to teach you a thing or two 🙂

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