A New Chapter

If you’re my friend on Facebook, you already know this, but otherwise, I am getting a much needed divorce. As the old saying goes “Marriage is grand, divorce is 50 grand.” In my case, it’s over 100 grand. It’s very stressful, very time-consuming, and very expensive. I’ve never spent so much time with an attorney as I have the past two months, and I hope to never do it again.

In just a couple of weeks, Jenna is moving out of state. Again, if you’re on Facebook you already knew this.

However, that’s not the point of this post… not entirely.

I haven’t really said anything on the topic since it was first announced. Frankly, that’s because I have no idea what I actually think about anything right now. I go back and forth between hopeful about the future to feeling like a mega failure. I definitely never imagined I’d be divorced.

So I try and focus on the hopeful future train of thought.

Is there another person out there that would ever take a chance on me? Not really sure, but I hope so. As gay as this is going to sound (Hi Andy), I really do want to have kids, preferably not with random skanks.

In a really random yet completely related way, my departure from my church and my divorce perfectly coincided. The church probably would have been a big part of my support system, but instead my support system is just a couple of people that have hung on.

However hard I try, I just can’t put a positive spin on getting divorced. People are full of platitudes, but those aren’t really comforting. “Everything happens for a reason.” Suck it. Please don’t ever say that again. Not everything happens for a reason. Some things happen because people have free will and can do whatever they want.

2012 starts a new chapter in my life. I’m sure over the next few months I’ll have more to say, but today I just have questions. It’s hard not to be anxious about it. It’s hard not to think that the best years are already behind me. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I think defeated is a better word. (So no, I don’t need a psych evaluation)

I really thought at this point in my life that I’d have started a family, you know… wife, house, 2 cars, 2.4 kids… the American dream.

Are there any women out there that are hoping to find an out of shape bald guy? I don’t like my odds at the moment.

What now you ask? I suppose it’s back to what I was doing back in 2005. Blogging.

  4 comments for “A New Chapter

  1. Livieloo
    December 12, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through this buddy. If you need anything during this time just give me a holler.

  2. DK
    December 12, 2011 at 10:30 am

    I can relate to that feeling of defeat, I’m over two years into desperately trying to find a real job! But it’s still a feeling and not a reality. I *will* get a job at some point and your heart *will* heal and you *will* meet somebody who is right for you!

  3. December 12, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I was sorry to see that you guys are divorcing, Incredipete. I’ve never been married, but I’ve been in serious relationships, and it sucks to feel like you couldn’t make it work. But things will get better, I promise! (I hate when people tell me that, but I’m saying it anyway.)

  4. Meg
    December 12, 2011 at 11:06 am

    You’re right. No one out there wants an out of shape, depressed, balding soon to be middle aged man. Random skanks may be the way to go for that guy. Lucky for you, you’re not that guy. You’re smart, funny, kind, interesting, a good writer, and you take care of those who are weaker than you (after you laugh at them of course). You are handsome – many women like bald guys – you work hard, you are considerate, you have a good family and lovey puppies. You have made a life for yourself that plenty would be envious of. Divorce sucks, and it’s going to be hard for a while, while you try to pull a Stella (get your grove back baby!), but it’s not impossible. Jump on the positive train – this is not the end of the world you sexy beast!

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