If you’re my friend on Facebook, you already know this, but otherwise, I am getting a much needed divorce. As the old saying goes “Marriage is grand, divorce is 50 grand.” In my case, it’s over 100 grand. It’s very stressful, very time-consuming, and very expensive. I’ve never spent so much time with an attorney as I have the past two months, and I hope to never do it again.
In just a couple of weeks, Jenna is moving out of state. Again, if you’re on Facebook you already knew this.
However, that’s not the point of this post… not entirely.
I haven’t really said anything on the topic since it was first announced. Frankly, that’s because I have no idea what I actually think about anything right now. I go back and forth between hopeful about the future to feeling like a mega failure. I definitely never imagined I’d be divorced.
So I try and focus on the hopeful future train of thought.
Is there another person out there that would ever take a chance on me? Not really sure, but I hope so. As gay as this is going to sound (Hi Andy), I really do want to have kids, preferably not with random skanks.
In a really random yet completely related way, my departure from my church and my divorce perfectly coincided. The church probably would have been a big part of my support system, but instead my support system is just a couple of people that have hung on.
However hard I try, I just can’t put a positive spin on getting divorced. People are full of platitudes, but those aren’t really comforting. “Everything happens for a reason.” Suck it. Please don’t ever say that again. Not everything happens for a reason. Some things happen because people have free will and can do whatever they want.
2012 starts a new chapter in my life. I’m sure over the next few months I’ll have more to say, but today I just have questions. It’s hard not to be anxious about it. It’s hard not to think that the best years are already behind me. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed. I think defeated is a better word. (So no, I don’t need a psych evaluation)
I really thought at this point in my life that I’d have started a family, you know… wife, house, 2 cars, 2.4 kids… the American dream.
Are there any women out there that are hoping to find an out of shape bald guy? I don’t like my odds at the moment.
What now you ask? I suppose it’s back to what I was doing back in 2005. Blogging.