Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness

Did you hear about the guy that tossed the baby out of the car during a high speed chase yesterday? What a nutjob.

He had the decency to slow down a bit, and fortunately thanks to years of frivilous lawsuits against carseat manufacturers, the carseat was strong enough to keep the baby protected. So what shall we do with Mr. Babytosser?

I’m open to suggestions. I think we should increase the proportions. How about we dump him out of a low flying aircraft strapped in a lazyboy recliner. Maybe the chair will protect him… maybe it won’t. We’ll leave that up to Karma.

The level of loserness never ceases to amaze me. That is why I have created “Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness” to begin classifying these people. To classify is to begin to understand. What category are you in?

Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness

1. “Soccer Mom” – Yuppies that have good jobs, a big house, 2.4 kids, a dog, and still have the gall to have 4 bumper stickers on their SUV, which say “My kid is better than every other kid in the world. Nah nah nah nah nah nah.”

2. “Hot Air Balloon” – People that are stupid and think they are smart.

3. “Blissful Ignoramus” – People that are happy all the time for no reason.

4. “Freaking Moron” – Boys that wear huge shorts around their knees with their underwear showing.

5. “Retrohair” – People that still have the hairstyle they had in high school even though they are 64.

6. “Duminals” – Criminals that get caught each and every time they commit a crime, and still try to say that “the man is keeping them down.”

7. “White Trash Bastard” – Guy that lives in a trailer and beats his wife.

8. “President” – The guy that controls the free world and frequently kills people in other countries to raise his numbers in the polls.

9. “Stalker” – The guy that just won’t give up on his ‘true love’ even though she has a restraining order and shoots at him when he comes around.

10. “Electric Chair Tester” – Anyone that abuses a baby or child in any way.

There are more, but I can’t go on anymore. I hope that none of you fit into these categories, but strangely, I think I’d be surprised if we didn’t have a few of them wandering around here in DLand. If you’re a stalker, just so you know, I live in Florida.

Thanks.

  71 comments for “Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness

  1. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf i’ve had that bear since i was a wee child. i didn’t even notice that was there – i’m cool like that. and my dog is even cooler .. as you can all plainly see…

  2. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: eron MAF has a really cool looking teddy bear.

  3. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete I’m lovin all the pictures! Keep’em coming!

  4. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy How does the saying go? If you can’t beat em……This will be my last comment.

  5. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie hee hee we saw MAF’s bed.

  6. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathy oops, forgot the <>

  7. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Kathy Well, I’m really old (but I enjoy reading you crazy kids anyway) Here is a picture of my baby. (God I hope this works) img src=”http://home.earthlink.net/~ksbalcom/abbypics_files/abgs3.jpg”

  8. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Thanks Incredipete! I try to play my radio while I’m getting ready in the morning and he yells “Turn it off! It hurts my ears!” Goofball.

  9. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Wow, what an outpouring of cute and loveable kids/dogs, et al. We should do this more often!

  10. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Here’s my oldest boy Jr (left) and his best bud Talon (right):

  11. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT “unleseh Sugar and she will be on you like a buzz saw.”

  12. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I swear MAF’s dog looks like he should be wearing a Big Ass Fedora and driving a pimpmobile. (With his head stuck out the side window of course) That Dog is so bad, when he barks it’s like.

  13. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Oh and by the way. HRT: BITE ME!! If you are not careful I will unleash Sugar and she will be on you like a buzz saw.

  14. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister and abby is adorable. i’m glad you didn’t put her down. of course, since you’re Incredipeter, i can’t see you ever putting her down….

  15. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: your incredibly adorable little sister I should post a picture of my kids and dog. oh wait…i can’t do that one. i guess the best i could do is to post a picture of my incredibly adorable blue parakeet. too bad. I like your list, Incredipeter…and i wish the guy that hurt hus baby hadn’t died so he could be punished for what he did, although his punishment probably wouldn’t be severe (i.e. death).

  16. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy That is the biggest pimpinest dog I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. He definitely rules! Abby and Sugar are just his little “bitches.”

  17. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I am so gay that i still can’t figure out how to post an image here. I suck the littlest weenie ever.

  18. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Dam, that is one cool ass dog. You gotta be one Flye Ass white chick to pull off having that cool of a black dog MAF.

  19. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf The Shaft of Doggie D’land.

  20. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf damn damn damn … y’all need to see my super cool doggy dog mike … cause he’s all manner of cool – lemme work on that one!

  21. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT “She is a miniature Jack Russell terrier and I wuv her.”

  22. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy That would be my Sugar Dog Kakilacki. She is two years old and very very smart. She is a miniature Jack Russell terrier and I wuv her.

  23. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Yep, that was Grant’s first cruise. He went on another one later that year. Little bugger has been all over the Carribean and Mexico! On this one, we splurged and got the penthouse cabin. Yes, kids and glasses don’t go together. PS, I am likin’ the Kakilacki name! Whose little brown doggie? cutie pie

  24. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Dayum, everybody and their dog is commenting up in this piece!

  25. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT Hey Kakilacki, is that pic from a cruise? And what is it about kids that they canNOT put glasses/goggles/sunglasses etc. on right side up? Somehow they always wanna put them on upside down. Weird man weird.

  26. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Sugar Abby, Ruff! RRuff ruff ruff rufff ruf ruff!

  27. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg Cute kids guys! And yes, that’s Miss Abby included!

  28. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Cute lil puppy Incredipete! One more and I am done. Thanks for the nice words guys.

  29. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie HRT–do you have sand in your crack?

  30. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I don’t see what the problem is Incredipete. I mean pictures are momentoes. Things you want to remember, so naturally they should be in the memory section, or the memember section cause you want to memeber them.

  31. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Here’s another of my Abby:

  32. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie ok Kaki–hope you don’t mind–half the people at my work just ran up to my computer and said aaawwww how cute. P.s. good names too.

  33. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Kaki–of course we want to see the babies–Maf–show us the Mike–we will love him.

  34. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Too damned cute!!!! I could kiss their cheeks off!

  35. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredihost I don’t mind hosting ya’lls pictures. Now that we’re on the subject, everybody jump in and add your own pictures. Just don’t get mad if I start posting more pictures of Abby.

  36. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 god that is huge. sorry Incredipete, feel free to delete! at least I know how to do this now, thanks for indulging me.

  37. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Dang, those are some BIG pictures! Congrats on figuring it out. They are some cuties!

  38. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Of course, first you’ll have to upload your picture in the “memeber” section.

  39. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Ok, here is Grant and Jackie. The Jackie file is huge, sorry dudes. He is gonna look like super monster baby.

  40. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete And, in case you can’t figure it out, you might want to replace “Incredipete” with your own username, and replace “abbyhotel.jpg” with the name of your file. Just a thought.

  41. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Here’s the code, so we can settle this once and for all…You will have to enclose this in the <> brackets, however if I do it in my example it will display the picture.

  42. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT

  43. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie p.s.– kaki–you constantly crack me up.

  44. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie I think it’s great when people want to talk about their kids or pets–however there is a thing called overkill. I would like to talk about some of the things in my life too and sometimes people don’t stop talking about their stuff long enough to listen to anyone else—not anyone I’ve met in here–I was just sayin though.

  45. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Agree, agree, agree all the way around. I think it’s cute, there is a girl at work who takes her dog to doggy day care every day while she is at work. Now that’s pretty wild. The dog gets daily report cards about how their day was, what they ate, etc…She is pretty into it.

  46. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You can brag all you like, but there is a time and place for everything. It’s not cool for you to interupt whatever I’m saying to interject more crap about your kid.

  47. HRT
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: HRT I say people who get annoyed by people who have a love affection in their lives need to deal with their own issues. If you have a mutt and you love it to pieces, go on witcho bad self. If you’ve got a kid, a spouse, a Whatever, if he/it/she brings you joy and you think there is no other, don’t let anyone’s sour grapes spoil it. Cause most of the time they’re just jealous. And if you don’t want to hear about it, say something or move on.

  48. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg kaki – I think they only qualify in that category if they abuse the right as some parents do with their children. I love my kiddo to pieces, but I know other people get annoyed with me telling them how wonderful, smart, beautiful, funny she is. I think the same would go with pets. Just because your dog can stand on his hind legs and balance a ball on his nose, and my gold fish can’t, does not mean I want to see 1,000 pictures of the very same trick.

  49. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Do people who don’t have kids, but who talk about their pets all the time instead also count as “boring” or fit into one of the “loser” categories? Not hatin’…I’m just sayin’….

  50. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie thank-you maf and as usual–you rock.

  51. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf let’s take a moment to note how cool jackie is to use the phrase “as if” … how funny!

  52. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Jackie Mental–I think you get mad comments from Incredipete because he wants to bone you. I don’t know if I would call that lucky. However don’t take that as a stain against your character–you can’t help it if you’re cute and cool. Incredipete–your dog is cute as shit–but dude–it is hard to think about how cute she is when you CONSTANTLY bring up all the gross shit she does. I do not however advocate in any way shape or form putting her down. And while I am on the subject..I hate people who are so called “animal lovers” who have a bunch of pets and then want another one but know they can’t take care of them all so they suddenly find a “reason” to give one of them away. I know two people who have done this. They preach to me about animal rights and how their pet is one of the family and then give it away. as if.

  53. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy I know another secret but I ain’t tellin’!

  54. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete It’s not a secret anymore now, is it?! 😉

  55. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental I get mad amounts of incredicomments. Cause Incredipete is my secret dland lover. Aren’t you all jealous?

  56. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete 11. “Boring” – People that won’t talk about any topic except for their kids, and constantly show you pictures, expecting you to be complimentary, even though the kid looks like a cross between Sasquatch and Janet Reno.

  57. maf
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: maf can’t catch a break can ya Incredipetey-Incredipete?? fubar huh? ok – i’ll let you have a pass…this time 🙂

  58. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg I think you should always rely on The Wallstreet Journal, Incredipete. You do that, and I’ll always trust everything I read in the Village Voice. Deal?

  59. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Some of the people I read every single day have NEVER had an incredi-comment. It’s not personal. Sometimes the entry speaks for itself.

  60. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy Tell him about it maf. I guess I should feel special that I get at least one incredicomment per entry, but I don’t.

  61. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Wendy First of all, make your bed Incredipeter! What if your mother should see that? My work is never done!

  62. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Don’t you know that the average American family has 2.4 kids? I read it in the Wall Street Journal, so it must be true.

  63. Meg
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Meg How exactly do you have 2.4 kids? I mean, do you chop off arms or something? As for anyone who hurts a child, I think the first phase of punishment is to make them sit and wait until the child hit’s the “why?” stage, and make them listen for hours before slowly torturing them to death with a butter knife. Bastards.

  64. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: kaki321 Luckily I fall into none of those categories. While it is true that I have the 2 kids (not 2.4), a nice job, a big house AND an SUV, I do NOT have a dog, or any bumper stickers. Hell, I don’t need bumper stickers to say that my kids are better than everyone else’s – – it’s just a given. (lol)

  65. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete You know, I always read your entries, but sometimes your little comments dealy is fubar. Not that I’m bitter, I’m just sayin…

  66. MAF
    November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: MAF i think you have already identified some who said that they would put abby down just cause she’s a sick baby. I don’t know who those people are and i dont’ wanna know … poor girl … you’re a good daddy Incredipete … even though you like NEVER comment on my blog – i have mad love for you anyway!

  67. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: Incredipete Yeah, that Karma works pretty quick on some people. I would really like to be a “Freaking Moron” but I can’t get my pants to stay around my knees. They keep falling all the way down. And since I don’t like to wear underwear, it can create some issues during inclement weather…

  68. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental SON OF A BITCH

  69. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl Oops, forgot to yell “first”.

  70. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: mental my dream is to be the white trash guy. oh my holy heaven hacky-sack…I’M FIRST. Bite that suckers.

  71. November 30, -0001 at 12:00 am

    AUTHOR: warcrygirl The guy crashed the car after dumping the baby and later died from his injuries. It’s been taken care of already. Isn’t it nice when these types off theselves?

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