Did you hear about the guy that tossed the baby out of the car during a high speed chase yesterday? What a nutjob.
He had the decency to slow down a bit, and fortunately thanks to years of frivilous lawsuits against carseat manufacturers, the carseat was strong enough to keep the baby protected. So what shall we do with Mr. Babytosser?
I’m open to suggestions. I think we should increase the proportions. How about we dump him out of a low flying aircraft strapped in a lazyboy recliner. Maybe the chair will protect him… maybe it won’t. We’ll leave that up to Karma.
The level of loserness never ceases to amaze me. That is why I have created “Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness” to begin classifying these people. To classify is to begin to understand. What category are you in?
Incredipete’s Hierarchy of Loserness
1. “Soccer Mom” – Yuppies that have good jobs, a big house, 2.4 kids, a dog, and still have the gall to have 4 bumper stickers on their SUV, which say “My kid is better than every other kid in the world. Nah nah nah nah nah nah.”
2. “Hot Air Balloon” – People that are stupid and think they are smart.
3. “Blissful Ignoramus” – People that are happy all the time for no reason.
4. “Freaking Moron” – Boys that wear huge shorts around their knees with their underwear showing.
5. “Retrohair” – People that still have the hairstyle they had in high school even though they are 64.
6. “Duminals” – Criminals that get caught each and every time they commit a crime, and still try to say that “the man is keeping them down.”
7. “White Trash Bastard” – Guy that lives in a trailer and beats his wife.
8. “President” – The guy that controls the free world and frequently kills people in other countries to raise his numbers in the polls.
9. “Stalker” – The guy that just won’t give up on his ‘true love’ even though she has a restraining order and shoots at him when he comes around.
10. “Electric Chair Tester” – Anyone that abuses a baby or child in any way.
There are more, but I can’t go on anymore. I hope that none of you fit into these categories, but strangely, I think I’d be surprised if we didn’t have a few of them wandering around here in DLand. If you’re a stalker, just so you know, I live in Florida.